Truth is, with all of the ‘new and improved’ options on the market I thought there might be a way I could incorporate the different varieties into a series of reviews that helps bring an awareness about safer sex practices, the benefits of making informed decisions and learning to be proud of using prophylactics rather than ashamed or embarrassed.

To help me make my point, and potentially offer a way to make using condoms a bit more sexy and fashionable, the generous folks at the up and coming “ooo” boutique provided me with an entire box of goodies to review and showcase for you. From flavors to textures, sheer to pleasure enhanced, I literally have EVERYTHING they’ve created so far.

On that note, because such a big part of what makes these condoms so fantastic is the ‘designer’ packaging I thought I’d dedicate one full post to it, with the next post being dedicated to the actual condoms. If you’re only interested in the condoms I suggest you jump ahead to part 2 (again with the following the RSS Feed so you know when it comes out).

*Since I’m a believer in paying it forward I’m going to return the favor the folks at the company showed me and share. If you’d like the chance to get your hands on some of these bad ass goodies I’ll be holding an “ooo” giveaway in the coming month.  If you want to participate I suggest you subscribe to my RSS feed so you’ll be one of the first to know.

*All “ooo” boutique condoms are FDA approved, individually tested, and exceed all international standards for quality and reliability. – as taken from the website

Packaging

When it came to designing a line of condoms that were as creative as they were effective, the creators of “ooo” boutique nailed it! Especially if effective means you’ll want to carry them, be more comfortable keeping them around the house, and therefore better prepared to engage in safer sex practices.

Whether it’s the unique boxes or the simple and sleek colorings used, the outer packaging has a lot going for it. It’s sophisticated. It’s artistic. It’s professional. It’s exciting. It’s discreet. It screams sexy. It’s everything many of the other mainstream condom manufacturers aren’t… and puts them to shame in the process. While the shape of the outer foil may give them away (they’re a traditional square foil with a perforated edge) the single wrappers aren’t brightly colored and don’t attract much attention; just a simple silver cover with the “ooo” lettering on each side.

As for the outer designs there are currently 6 main collections, with Tryst, Passion Pack and Art of Lust having 3 different variations on the theme. Alternatively, the Kung Fu Sutra, Take Me and Try Me boxed gift sets feature separate individually designed foil wrappers created to entice exploration of the environment and your physical prowess (images of different locations and positions being the theme). Regardless of the ones you choose, all of the “ooo” collections are pretty fantastic and worth the slightly higher price tag they command.

Tryst ~ 6 pack ($7.99), Singles ($1.59)

The Tryst line of condoms includes alluring cubes in a luxurious slick matte black tone and an almost neon shade of red, purple or yellow. The front of the boxes feature the theme name (savor me, feel me or rock me) along with a poetic prose written in a shiny black ink only visible when the cube’s tilted to expose the lettering. Located on the bottom front is a cutout corresponding with the theme; top half of  a heart for “feel me”, top of a crown for “rock me” (We Will Rock You by Queen being the assumed inspiration) and a top half of lips for “savor me” (flavored condoms, go figure). The back offers basic instructions, cautions and company info, while the top and bottom have an embossed “ooo” logo, website url and ‘important information” regarding the pros of practicing safe sex. The lid easily slides upwards and off to allow access to the condoms while also acting as a discreet little storage container. It’s simple. It’s clever. And I like it. A lot.

Passion ~ 6 pack ($7.99), Singles ($1.59)

The Passion collection of condoms features a smooth and clean white tall sachet style package that’s simple, discreet and fairly unique, especially when compared to the traditional rectangle boxes used by many major manufacturers.

The neon colors within the collection are the same as Tryst, with a softer pastel purple being the only real difference. Rather than the half crown, lips and heart found on the previous cubes, Passion features a colored heart placed front and center as well as on the back where the flip tab is located. Unfortunately there’s no poetic prose included with this collection, instead you’ll find a sentence coinciding with the theme written in metallic silver. Like Tryst there are basic instructions, cautions and company info provided on the back, as well as a pamphlet located inside.

Both Tryst and Passion offer the option of discreet single condoms, packaged in the corresponding color schemes as the larger versions. Considering one of the major problems that comes with carrying a single foil wrapped prophylactic is the fact that it could get worn, punctured or torn, the inclusion of a thick quality cover is a pretty decent idea.

Kung Fu Sutra – 8 pack ($15.99)

When it comes to concepts I just don’t get, the Kung Fu Sutra themed condoms is one of them. Sure the packaging is stylish, unique, exceptionally artistic and very well deigned, but it’s just not very practical or realistic. If they were doing it for a laugh, okay fine, but otherwise – not so much. (If you can find me a link to a prOn or website where the positions are found, hook a sister up! That’s just something I need to see!!)

As for the packaging, the eight single wrapped condoms come in a tawny colored rectangular box that features Asian theme you’d expect to find on most Kama Sutra or Shunga products. The red, black and beige shades lend themselves well to this concept, as does the inclusion of Japanese characters and sexually explicit images of ninjas in various sexual positions (yes, I did just say ‘ninjas in various sexual positions’. I win.). Quite surprisingly the box containing the condoms is sturdy, thick, with a bit of weight to it, rather than being a cheap and flimsy box that falls apart quickly. To put it lightly, I’m very impressed.

From the get go the major theme of this collection is rather apparent; each individually wrapped condom features an image of an exceptionally challenging position meant to inspire users to ‘face-off  in a game of power and pleasure” (as quoted on the website). The graphics are artistic and very well designed, interesting and often induce a case of serious curiosity as to whether or not the positions could be pulled off… even if they are a tad far fetched and too complicated for the average person to even dream of completing (I see a lot of frustrating sex being had thanks to these bad boys). The lid is easily removed providing access the condoms, while the box could be reused at a later date to safely store refills or small lube samples/batteries.

*the only thing I didn’t really like about this was the lack of images of males on males, all of it is hetero in nature.

Art Of Lust ~ 6 Pack ($7.99), Singles ($1.59)

When it comes to condom packaging that’s fresh, sophisticated and highly impressive, the sleek match box style containers are where it’s at. Not only are the 3 different boxes easy to store, taking up less room than the traditional packaging larger condom boxes offer, they’re also well made and do a fantastic job of allowing the condoms to be easily accessed yet still well protected (no cheap cardboard here, the box is sturdy and designed to hold up).

Like the other two versions Art of Lust comes in a totally different design, being a sliding box with a ribbon pull rather than a sachet or cube style. The colors, while vivid, are quite muted emphasizing skin tones and golden metallic shades rather than the pastel or bright neon pigments found with the others. The front features the male, female or both images, while the back has a simple sentence coinciding with the theme written in black followed by some info on the pros of practicing safe sex. Sure the lines are a little cheesy, but they’re not that bad.

As for the designs, I don’t know that I’d use the word ‘lust’ to describe them. Intense? Maybe. Interesting? Very. Attractive? Definitely. Artistic? Highly. Having said that they are something a person would likely ask about should they see them, they can’t not,  they’re that eye catching. Regarding the faces, I don’t know what they were going for but the female image slightly resembles an 80′s era Annie Lennox, with the male looking a tad like a shaved version of Sasha Baren Cohen mixed with Freddie Mercury. Quite a bit of cock rock if you ask me! (someone seriously needs to create a female equivalent to that term. Just sayin.)

According to the website the collection is limited edition, with each box designed by an ‘up and coming artist’. Unfortunately the site lacks a reference to who the artists are, making it hard for me to give credit where it’s due (Hey OOO Boutique, if you’re reading this I’d love a link please and thanks!).

Take Me ~ 12 Pack ($19.99), Singles ($1.59)

If you’ve ever needed a little push to do something fun, like let’s say have sex an elevator, take a roll in the hay, play secretary/boss at the office, or do it in the kitchen, the fun and frisky condoms offered in the Take Me collection may just be what you’re looking for.

Not sure how to broach the topic of ‘public’ play? Try slipping one into your partners pocket, purse, gym bag or wallet. Without much effort, other than a text message to let them know where it’s hiding, they should catch the drift.

Each single condom comes packaged with an image of a potentially playful, erotic or risky location on the front. Fortunately there’s quite a bit to choose from, in addition to the options listed above there’s also: The Beach, woods, one mile high, the drive-in, a tent, parents room, the back seat and the pool.

As for the packaging it’s fairly simple: each condom sits within a large rectangular sleek matte grey box with a clear plastic cover that encloses the 12 condoms, showing them off very well. The back features an image of all the condoms within the collection as some are hidden by the ‘take me’ logo found on the front.  As with the other versions the back also contains info on safer sex practices and company info.

Final Verdict

With the refreshingly different product packaging used by “ooo” boutique being a far cry from what one might expect, it’s not surprising they’re being toted as ‘designer’ condoms. Having said that, if you’ve refrained for fear someone may find them  or simply because you value discretion, “ooo” boutique is a brand you might want to consider. The boxes are small enough to fit almost anywhere, they’re sophisticated in feel, don’t have a well known brand name sprawled across the front and most importantly, are condoms you’d want to pull out with pride (just so you could show them off).

While some basics similarities may remain, “ooo” boutique has raised the bar and helped to push the prophylactic industry into a whole other level. Let’s hope that companies like this thrive and grow, creating a fashionable awareness about safer sex practices and supporting the cause for generations to come.

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Upon taking the chance and clicking through, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them looked pretty, seemed organized, offered affordable or competitive prices and included things like free shipping or added ‘free gifts’, but that doesn’t always mean they’re a decent company that puts the customer first. Simply put, being esthetically pleasing and having catchy online gimmicks can be deceiving, especially when it comes to sexual wellness products.

Having said that, I’m not here to air anyone’s dirty laundry or bash specific companies, I did that in my Open Letter To Manufacturers, Retailers and Consumers. Instead, I’ve decided to compile a list of my favorite manufacturers and retailers in the hopes of removing the guess work and making your shopping experience safer, more reliable, eco-friendly and hopefully stress free.

Rather than just providing links I’ve decided to create a series of featured articles that highlight many of my favorite companies; some make the goods (manufacturers), others simply buy and resell them (online/offline retailers). Regardless of the type of company I’m covering each referral is based on personal experiences, with no part being influenced in any way, be it financially or with me receiving products for the positive endorsement. I’m doing this of my own accord. Consider it my way of saying thank you for all the years of support from the companies that believed in me and showed me what the industry could look like if more people were better educated on all things related to sexual wellness and well being.

For my very first feature I’m going to be covering a company that I’m a huge fan of, and have been for years and years, Tantus Inc.

Personal Experience

One of the very first manufacturers I came to love and respect was Tantus, and for good reason; not only did they make some of the very best platinum grade silicone products on the market, they also took environmental responsibility and customer satisfaction seriously – areas that were definitely lacking in an industry overrun with big companies all looking to make a fast buck.

Outside the realm of ‘customer service’ they also worked hard to let the staff of retail companies know how valued they were; whether it was fun contests arranged to help motivate sales, the willingness to directly answer questions, provide a mini seminar on their products at a company arranged event or simply helping us to become educated on the varying materials, the folks at Tantus (mostly Mike and Metis) never let us feel like just another cog in the wheel. It was their attention to detail and personal growth that made me and every other staff member feel appreciated and important, something I remembered long after I had moved on from the brick and mortar store where I worked.

When I finally moved into creating videos Tantus was one of the very first companies I did a review for – on my own time, with my own product, bought with money (being a College student made purchasing products something that was few and far between). Not long after the video was online I unexpectedly received a box with a bunch of new products and a short card that read “thank you for all your hard work, we hope you like these – Tantus”. Once again the folks at the company had far exceeded my expectations, becoming the very first company to show support for what I did as a reviewer and educator.

*Note: to hopefully help motivate my fellow reviewers who may be having a hard time getting companies to invest in you, be it with product or financially, I want it to be known that for the entire first year that I made videos very few companies were willing to take a chance and help me grow (though that was almost 6 years ago and things were very different). Pretty much every letter or email I sent requesting a product was met with a politely worded rejection letter, and that’s when I was ‘lucky’ enough to get a response. It was due to companies like Tantus, who saw my potential from one little video, that I was able to grow and eventually make an honest living doing something I love – something I have never forgotten!

Over the years I’ve created quite a few reviews for Tantus products, be it written or video, and very rarely have I been less than enthusiastic about the product I was covering (the Little Secret Whisper was the only one that left me wanting).

Online Offerings

Being a relatively simple website compared to others on the market is just one of the many things that makes their online store top notch. Not only is it very easy to navigate, the streamlined design allows the customer to find what they’re looking for without getting lost within the pages. There are no heavy banners or distracting .gif images, no complicated or overwhelming product descriptions, no sexually immature wording or sexist leanings; instead, the website is gender neutral and gives male shoppers the opportunity to browse body safe anal products without being stereo-typed as ‘gay’.

*not that being gay is a bad thing, but instead to point out the fact that many other websites still haven’t moved forward in their thinking and accepted that many straight men actually enjoy anal play.

Aside from manufacturers offerings the website also has some fun educational features like a video entitled “Not In Your Butt”, hosted by DuckyDooLittle (I love her!) which explains what you shouldn’t stick up your butt, an information page that helps customers learn what it means for a product to be healthy for both the body and the environment (or “Healthy and Green”), a closeout section that offers some amazing deals on a selection of fantastic items (sign up for their newsletter so you’ll know when big deals go on – trust me on this one!), and a page devoted to Sex Ed articles written by Metis back in the day, that still ring true today.

The Goods

Tantus products aren’t the only things found on the site, between body safe lubricants, bath products, games and gift options, harnesses (for couples play), and some amazing metal goodies, there’s lots to choose from. For those of you questioning why I might be mentioning this; with the amount of attention the folks at the company pay to eco-friendliness, quality and body safety, you can rest assured that they will only offer the very best of the very best. Aside from that, you can do most of your shopping in one place without any worry or extra shipping fees.

For those of you that value discretion, each Tantus product comes respectfully, professionally and beautifully packaged in clear a box that shows it off the way it deserves.  There’s nothing that’s rude, unprofessional or embarrassing, only the word “toy” and some suggestions regarding what the product may be used for. You could definitely buy any of the products and not have to worry about what someone would think should they come across them unexpectedly.

*Not that owning toys is anything to be ashamed of, shit in my world it’s something I’d congratulate you for!

Taking it that extra mile, each product is shipped in a plain brown box, with nothing on it that may alert the delivery person or receiver to what’s inside. Just another small detail that makes them so fantastic!

From anatomically correct butt plugs to ergonomically designed dildos, a variety of products specifically for males to any of the other products Tantus manufactures, you can rest assured they’re quite possibly some of the best sexual wellness products you can get your hands on.  Designed with your pleasure in mind, each offering is free of the harsh chemicals you’ll likely find in lesser products made by big name corporations, while also being free of latex (great for those of you with latex allergies). They’re also virtually non-porous (meaning they don’t absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria) and make clean up a breeze.  If that wasn’t enough, they’re also waterproof, odorless, hypoallergenic, hygienic and non-toxic. Basically put, they’re amazing and everything you want in an intimate accessory!

Although the vast majority of the products created by Tantus are Ultra Premium silicone, they also manufacture a line of aluminum beauties called Alumina, with each one being interchangeable (as Ducky Doo Little said, “they’re like tinker toys for your butt!”) and providing a large assortment of options when it comes to your exploration in the bedroom or beyond.

Final Verdict

Whether it was taking a stance and helping to educate consumers and resellers, making a concerted effort to offer the best of the best in regard to quality, ease of use and safety, choosing not to use words like ‘sex toys’ and instead calling items sexual wellness products/intimate accessories (which helps elevate the general concept towards sex/sexuality) or being one of the more eco friendly manufacturers within the industry, Tantus has consistently demonstrated what it meant to be the best of the best.

If you’d like to help support great companies that work hard to maintain an air of professionalism, value discretion, understand their customers and offer some of the most badass products around, I highly suggest you keep Tantus Inc in mind. You’ll thank me for it later.

My Haul Of Tantus Toys

*pictured above (back row left to right): Tantus Flex, Tantus Cush, Tantus Little Secret Tease, Tantus Little Secret Kiss, Tantus Little Flirt, Tantus Ripple, Domo Kun (PHOTO BOMB!), Tantus T-Rex (it’s a BEAST!), Unnamed Tantus Prototype (YAY for feeling special!), (middle row) Advanced Tantus Beads (in ELECTRIC BLUE! the picture does not do them justice. I have no clue if you can get them anymore *sad face*), (front row left to right) Tantus Curve, Tantus Ryder (I managed to get the badass Neon Green in a closeout sale. Lucky me!!), Tantus Silk Small, Tantus Faerie (no longer available – it’s clear with SPARKLES!!), Tantus Charmer, Tantus Stroker XL.

Not pictured but part of my collection (I couldn’t fit it all in one pic): Tantus Vamp, Tantus Acute, Tantus B-Bomb (It’s too big. I’m working my way up to it), Beginner Cock Ring, Bend Over Intermediate Kit, Tantus Delta, Tantus Theta, Tantus Pi, Tantus Omega, Tantus Deuce 1 and 2, Tantus Goddess, Panty Play, Tantus Little Secret Whisper, Tantus Little Secret Touch, Tantus Little Secret Spoon… I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting.

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Eden Fantasys

Just like those cheesy Advent calendars with the crappy chocolate helping to count down the days til Christmas, Eden Fantasys is having a different sale each day until February 14th. The catch? The sales are only good for one day, so if you want to save, mark the day somewhere you won’t forget. To check out what’s on sale just click the images below.

*the date of each sale is located on either the bottom left or right of the image, but to help I’ve run them in order from the 1st – 14th top to bottom.

Fleshlight

Babeland

Crystal Delights

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As for YouTube, after months of unanswered emails and the assumption that they just didn’t give a shit about me, you, or offering honest, helpful, informative and non judgmental sex ed/advice to the deserving masses, I received the unexpected – a letter from YouTube (though I’m damn near positive it’s auto-generated):

“Hi hollidaychild,

Thanks for your email. Your “hollidaychild” account has been suspended due to repeated or severe violations of our Terms of Use and claims of copyright infringement. Suspended accounts cannot be reinstated. Federal law requires that we terminate accounts when there are repeated claims of copyright infringement. Because you have had other videos rejected in the past, we are unable to reinstate your account. Users with suspended or terminated accounts are prohibited from creating new accounts or accessing YouTube’s community. In order for your account to be reinstated, you will need to resolve at least one of the following video removals.

The following videos have been removed from your account:

Penalty 1:
“Exploring the Female Body” formerly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhhuG7i1Ea0
Removed for violating our Terms of Use on 08/25/2009.
Please see http://www.youtube.com/t/terms and http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines

Penalty 2:
“Vaginal Stimulation” formerly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RE0bmHKiVc
Removed for violating our Terms of Use on 11/11/2009.
Please see http://www.youtube.com/t/terms and http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines

Penalty 3:
“ANAL BEADS” formerly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaOnr12eoxA
Removed for violating our Terms of Use on 11/11/2009.
Please see http://www.youtube.com/t/terms and http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines

Penalty 4:
“Purring Thrusting Panther” formerly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgGAQFb1Bxw
Removed for violating our Terms of Use on 11/03/2011.
Please see http://www.youtube.com/t/terms and http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines

Penalty 5:
“Sex Ed 102 – Blooper Reel” formerly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQx-LjNin6k
Removed for violating our Terms of Use on 11/06/2011.
Please see http://www.youtube.com/t/terms and http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines

Penalty 6:
“Tenga Soft Tube Onacup” formerly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cplIW_JecA
Removed for violating our Terms of Use on 11/07/2011.
Please see http://www.youtube.com/t/terms and http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines

IMPORTANT: If you feel a content owner has misidentified your content as infringing, you may be able to resolve one or more of these penalties by filing a counter-notification. For more information, please visit our Help Center article about counter-notifications at http://help.youtube.com/support/youtube/bin/answer.py?answer=59826.

Regards,

The YouTube Team“

Now here’s where I have a few problems:

First of all, there were no “claims of copyright infringement” on any of my Sex Ed 102 videos. Ever. Not a one. And being that the music in my intro/outro was written by my husbands band, with numerous permission forms sent in to state that I’m allowed to use it, I can’t see why they’d even suggest that. (You can find Methodology’s music here <- shameless plug).

Secondly, that whole “Federal Law” line is a complete load of horseshit. Yeah, I said it. Horse. Shit. I know of numerous YouTube Partners and creators who have used music without permission, yet got nothing but a slap on the wrist. Furthermore, being that there couldn’t have been repeated claims of copyright infringement I second the statement that it’s horse shit.

Third, and I think the one that pisses me off the most, since when is educating females about their body in a respectful, professional and informative way a “severe violations of our Terms of Use”?? No, seriously?? I mean it. Type the words “Female Sexuality” into the YouTube search bar and you get over 10 pages filled with videos. Yet my video “Exploring the Female Body” was so inappropriately done that it violated the Terms Of Use??? WTF YouTube. What. The. Fuck! I’m sorry but this shit just ain’t right. How’s about you get it together and start focusing on removing videos of booty clappin (even though their hilarious when drunk), animal cruelty (don’t watch any of the videos unless you want to end up crying into your tequila for an hour while forming a serious hatred for human beings), girls that could be 12 dancing on their webcam (for the record I’m not against webcam work, but when you cant determine the age of the person – yeah, it’s a no g0 in my books), and violent videos of people getting beat up (um, I’m sorry YouTube, but in case you didn’t notice this bullshit is against your “Community Guidelines” as per the statement “Graphic or gratuitous violence is not allowed. If your video shows someone getting hurt, attacked, or humiliated, don’t post it.” considering the one video I posted has 145,000 views I’m pretty sure someone at the office has seen it by now and yet didn’t remove it #HYPOCRITICALBULLSHIT). And that’s just the tip of the ice berg.

While I’m ranting about the crap you can find on YouTube, let me not forget to include the following as it seems like another pile of steaming horseshit that this is making shit tonnes money via the Partner Program, yet my content is perpetually flagged, removed and censored: For those of you that don’t know of KassemG he’s one of the ‘elite’ YouTubers who went big a few years ago. I lost track of him after he made a video joking about rape (go about 1:40 in then watch), but apparently he can make videos interviewing female porn stars. Yet I can’t teach women to love their bodies. Go YouTube, you’re doing a fantastic job in the liberation of female sexuality!! <- I’m spitting venom as I type that. *for the record the videos aren’t that bad, and in some cases fairly interesting since you get to see the girls from another perspective not spread eagle. But still, he can do that but I can’t inform. Nice. Real nice.

Fourth, the fact that they removed a “Blooper Reel” for “violating our Terms of Use” is so beyond bizarre that even I can’t get my head around it. Since when in the hell did a blooper reel violate a Terms of Use? Furthermore, why is it that the other two blooper reels I made stayed up (even being offered Partnership and ad placements) yet this one was so terrible it needed to be removed? It’s this kind of b.s. that makes me seriously question if they’ve got rabid monkeys throwing shit as their approval department. No, it can’t be. Even a damn monkey would know this wasn’t worthy of removal.

Fifth, how in the hell do videos that were removed 2 years ago still come into play?? This is one thing that seriously baffles me when it comes to how YouTube conducts itself. Maybe I’m wrong but I think that there should be a time frame where previous video removals are no longer an issue so long as there have been no infractions in at least 6 months to a year (from when they were flagged/removed).

Sixth (God this numbering thing is just getting stupid), being that YouTube has a flagging system for ‘mature content’ why don’t they just flag the appropriate videos and keep them online for those with a mature mindset or parental permission to see? It seems to me that would be a far more realistic option. On that note, considering that others like Dan & Jenn, Dodson & Ross, Kicesie, LaciGreen (of Sex+), Davey Wavey and others get to create sex positive content, why is it that mine is flagged, removed and terminated? Yet another steaming pile of hypocritical horse shit if you ask me.

*no hate to those I mentioned (I actually support them all), I just think it’s bullshit that others can create topics on Sex Ed yet I can’t.

Finally, if intimate accessories are off the list of what’s accepted by YouTube why is it that typing the words ‘sex toy’ generates over 10 pages worth of hits, “vibrating butt plug” over 7 pages worth of hits and “g-spot vibrator” gets over 10 pages worth of hits? Okay, wait, let me get this straight: my videos have been flagged, removed and actually had the entire account terminated, yet there’s still pages upon pages of reviews and sex toy videos on the website? Clearly I’m being made an example of, that or someone in their offices seriously hates me. Either way, it’s totally uncalled for, unfair, and silly .

*for the record, in the past numerous ‘review’ videos of mine had been flagged and removed, only to be reinstated with the ‘mature content’ once I wrote to my contact within YouTube. They even gave my Fleshlight video a preemptive ‘mature content’ rating before it went live just so it wouldn’t be removed by the system, leaving me to believe that helping men jerk off is okay, but helping women do the same thing is bad. Good on ya YouTube!

As per the last sentence in the email they sent “ In order for your account to be reinstated, you will need to resolve at least one of the following video removals.” I sent an email to all of my YouTube contacts stating why I feel they were in the wrong, how my videos are important and emphasized the fact that from day one my intention has been to help, guide, inform and provide a safe space for learning about ones self, their partner or any other sexually related topic they seek to learn about. There is no way I’m going down without fighting for something I believe in, and I believe in this.

We’ll see what happens…

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For today’s review I’ll be covering the Vixen Creations Buddy… and working myself up to the beads through the series of reviews that cover the others. As it stands, my ass is nowhere near ready to take them at this point.

To follow my progress the reviews make sure to subscribe to my RSS feed or add me on twitter as I’ll be tweeting the hell out of them once the reviews are done.

Packaging

One of the things I loved about a previous Vixen Creations product I reviewed (Tex) was the unexpected and highly original tubular packaging. Not only is it quite different from many other boxed or clam shell designs (that often get tossed in the garbage once the product is removed), it’s very easy to store and meant to be reused. Even better, there’s ample room inside to store a small bottle of lube, some condoms and any other little sample sized products you might have lying around.

As with many other high end intimate accessories there is nothing on it that’s rude, crude, tacky or cheap, instead only offering a brief description of the Companies products and cleaning/care instructions. There’s also the adorable fox logo I’ve come to love, but that’s it.

*For those of you that value total discretion the sticker can be removed so there’s literally nothing on it.

The Good

As I expected there’s quite a bit to love with Buddy; first and foremost the silicone is highly squishy, supple, smooth and flexible making it very accommodating and surprisingly comfortable. More than that, once inserted it doesn’t create that awkward “get-it-out-of-my-ass-now” sensation many other firm products beget.

Speaking of silicone, Buddy is non-toxic, phthalate and latex free, odourless, tasteless, hypo-allergenic, hygienic, and non-porous so it doesn’t require the same heavy duty cleaning a TPR, TPE or PVC product may require.

*For the record I don’t suggest anything but non-porous materials for anal play as they’ll store bacteria, lube and bodily fluids every time they’re used. Even worse, they can’t be fully sterilized. Yuck.

The tapered tip and graduated body makes insertion effortless, allowing it to slide in place without any discomfort or force. Of course relaxing a bit before helps, as does a small amount of good water based lube. Quite surprisingly the rounded thicker lower portion allows it to stay in place nicely once inserted, adjusting with the body as you shift, flex or move. For me it was a nice change from my Small Ripple whose last rounded bulb I often struggle to keep in place (it always ‘pops’ out right before I’m about to orgasm*).

Size wise it’s not too big and not too small, instead being just right. I personally think it’s the size that makes it suitable for just about everyone; whether you’re inexperienced and afraid rear insertion might hurt or familiar with anal play but not in need of something too girthy or long, you’ll likely find Buddy to be a worthy contender. Actually, I was rather surprised when I got it as I expected it would be larger than the 4″ inches in length and 1 1/4″ in diameter it sports (it’s 3 1/2″ insertable). Even with looking at the measurements online I still thought it would be bigger and much closer to the Medium Tantus Silk, clearly I’m not good with mentally picturing inches in my head. Having said that, while it’s relatively small, by no means is it lacking in the sensation department. You’ll feel it, all of it, it just likely won’t come with the ‘full’ feeling a larger plug would offer.

Fortunately the base makes removal easy, and fits between the butt cheeks without being annoying or painful. On top of all that it’s seamless leaving you worry free when it comes to potential internal scrapes or scratches.  On that note, because it’s got a flared base it’s also compatible with most harnesses, though I don’t know if it’s the kind of product I’d want to use for strap-on play. Then again, wtf do I know?

*Regarding the orgasm part, while it is a possibility, very rarely do women get off from anal play alone. Instead many will also require clitoral play or something inserted vaginally to aide in the experience. Having said that, if you’ve previously crammed something in your butt thinking it would be the end all, be all, only to find yourself coming short, don’t worry you’re perfectly normal and it’s to be expected.

Finally, it’s got silver sparkles so your ass is all blinged up and glittery. That in itself makes it worthy of putting in my butt. All jokes aside (who says I was joking?), the body is transparent and glossy with layer upon layer of exceptionally shiny silver square sparkles.  Even when looking deep within the body they’re there, less shiny of course, but still there. I actually have no idea how they did it, but you can’t feel any of the sparkles on the surface, something that totally surprised me. I even tried to gently pick one out, didn’t happen.  For those not impressed with sticking sparkly things in your rear it also comes in gold, black and purple versions.

Care And Cleaning

Because it’s a high quality silicone and not some shady mix of silicone and who-knows-what it can be easily cleaned with soap and water or by boiling for 3 minutes. Regarding lubes I’d only suggest a good water based lube as a silicone one would likely ruin it over time.

The Bad

When it came to things I didn’t like about Buddy there was only one, but being that it’s a silicone product that’s somewhat glossy it was highly expected: it attracts lint and fluff, but it’s minimal when compared to other silicone products.

Final Verdict

If you’re looking for a butt plug made of body safe material that’s easy to insert, supple, squishy and flexible, while also being comfortable, accommodating and surprisingly discreet I highly suggest taking the Vixen Creations Buddy into consideration. Aside from being impressed with the basic design, the level of quality will probably leave you looking through the entire Vixen Creations collection and wondering which will be your next. Yes, they are that good!

*I’ve personally had my eyes on Raquel, Mavrick and  Tristan.

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While struck with insomnia a few nights ago I found myself tweeting images of horrible sex toys I’d found. Then this thing happened and I just couldn’t help but create a blog post for it. Yes, it was just that bad.

I mean, very rarely am I totally perplexed by a sex toy, but this thing. MY GOD! This thing just leaves me all kinds of speechless & bewildered.

I mean, WTF is it? A duck billed platypus mixed with a fish, mixed with a creepy boggly eyed hand muppet puppet (look at it upside down), fused with a cheap ass rubber chicken?

After staring at it for some time I think it’s what the remains would look like if I was on acid, tripped balls, had a paranoid freak out moment where rabid unicorns were after me and thought they’d caught Animal and skinned him alive . *shudders*

It’s just wrong. Every kind of wrong. Every. kind.

And really, is that supposed to look like warts on the wrist part shaft? Because it does. And it’s obscene.

I’d like to find the person that created this and shake the shit out of them while screaming angrily: “wtf is wrong with you?! Why in the name of all that is holy would you manufacture this?! You’re part of what’s wrong with the industry!” Then I’d break down and cry. Like a baby in the fetal position.

Of course this isn’t the only scary sex toy out there, for more check out  The Concubine and Mr.Jack – they’re hideous in every way possible.

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Take advantage while you can, the sale ends on Feb 15 2012!

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As expected the Panty Play by Tantus has left me highly impressed with the level of comfort, ease of use and eco-friendly materials it has to offer. But with my love of the company being so deep, I think it would hard for them to fail me.

The Packaging

Staying true to Tantus form the packaging is discreet, professional, respectful and playfully done. Nothing is offensive, crude, tacky or cheap and although it is a sex toy, it still maintains an air of maturity that I highly appreciate.

The transparent oval package showcases the product as expected, and opens via a clam shell design allowing easy access. The front offers little information about the product (great for those that like discreet packaging), and the back offers a brief description with anatomically correct terms (vulva, clitoris). If you’re tired of seeing the word “pussy” sprawled across boxes, written in an attempted ‘sexy’ font and a bright red or pink no less, you’ll find this a welcome change.

The Design

Being that I know my body pretty well I was instantly intrigued by the design; rather than being an egg or something that you’d insert (the industry standard when it comes to ‘wearable’ products), the Panty Play is meant for external positioning and provides stimulation to the area of the body most women need to orgasm (the clitoris and vulva, not the g-spot).

Having said that I had my assumptions from the get go; the gentle curves, tapered bottom tip and external positioning of the bullet appeared to be a great idea as I figured it would fit inside a pair of undies without being obtrusive. The inner rounded ridge seemed promising for dedicated clitoral stimulation, striking me as the exact inclusion many other products (designed for wearing inside undies) were lacking and the flexible silicone body seemed like it would hug the curves of the body during motion (walking, shifting in your seat, dancing etc) in a way others had previously missed or gotten wrong.

Of course appearances can be deceiving, and the true test would be during use… as such, I decided the best way to test it was in 3 different situations, and being that I’m rather brave when I want to be, I took it upon myself to boss up and wear it outside the house and see if others reacted – let’s be real, the only thing stopping most people from buying products like this is the fear that someone will hear it and call them out. What can I say, I’m a perv with no shame, who will do what she can to ease your fears or worries… even if it means I have to be the Guinea Pig.

Scenario 1 – Grocery Store:  I’m not exactly sure how many people would choose to wear this while shopping for pasta, but I figured a grocery store would be a great place to test the product. I popped it in my undies, snugly slid it into my vulva, allowing my outer labia to help keep it in place, turned it on and off I went. At first I felt a little awkward, not because it was was uncomfortable, quite the contrary (it kinda feels like  a thick pad, but obviously way better)… instead because I felt like everyone I passed on the street could hear it (though I’m pretty sure in retrospect it was just my active imagination playing tricks on me). I walked with my head down, trying every so often to see if I could hear it myself… nothing but the sounds of the world whirring around me. Somewhere between the third and fourth block I started to find myself getting aroused by the surprisingly powerful buzz… an experience that was both interesting and bizarre in every way possible. By the time I got to the store (5 block walk in total) my fear of people hearing it had faded and I was totally focused on the vibe, finding myself stopping every so often to shift it into place so it hit my clit the way I wanted. After about 10 minutes in the store I couldn’t take it anymore… and there, right in the middle of trying to decide between  Ragu, Prego or Classico pasta sauce I had one. Yep, I had an orgasm in the middle of shopping for pasta sauce. Panty Play – 1, Me – 0. (Total time – about 30 some odd minutes)

*for the record there was no throw back to that fantastic scene from When Harry Met Sally. In retrospect I wish I had gone balls to the wall and just done it though. Maybe next time.

Funnily enough out of the whole scenario the orgasm was the easy part… turning it off without anyone noticing proved to be rather challenging. Fortunately the No Frills clerks are pretty cool with sharing their washroom with folks frantically yelling “Omg! Do you have a washroom, I GOTTA GO!”. Yes, I chickened out when it came to turning it off (I didn’t want to look like I was itching a crabby crotch). Sue me.

Scenario 2 – The Bar: After my grocery store experience I was a little less cautious and totally into the the idea of seeing how many places I could go with the Panty Play in place… next up, a loud bar (I highly suggest this for those that are shy since the music, and people yelling over it, will likely make you far less worried others will hear it). Rather than turning it on for the commute I opted to wait until I got to the club, a decision made based on the fear the battery would die before I got off. Once past security, coat check and paying to get in I dodged into the washroom and quickly flicked it on. With the exception of the vibe as a reminder it felt like I wasn’t really wearing anything, especially once I got a couple drinks in. I danced to whatever crappy hip hop was playing, again finding myself shifting so it applied pressure and stimulation where I wanted. Being that there are 3 settings (2 steady vibes, with one being a tad stronger, and a pulsation) I found that as I danced and it hit my jeans the vibe continually bounced through the settings offering various levels of stimulation (it was a little annoying at first then became almost like a game). Somewhere between wishing my friend a happy b-day, having a shot to celebrate and drunkenly singing along to a remix of Rihanna’s “Umbrella” it happened… a big ol’ orgasm on the middle of the dance floor.  Panty Play – 2, Me – 0. (Total time – no clue. Let’s say the time it takes to drink 3 vodka crans, 1 shot of Amaretto and dancing to 4 over played songs.)

Thankfully getting into a washroom to turn it off is much easier in a bar, another reason I highly suggest testing it in this type of situation. Not so thankfully I will never hear “Umbrella” the same way again.

Scenario 3 –  Date Night: I may be wrong but I’m going to assume that most people who buy this would likely be buying it for use with a partner, the kind of use that’s one of those “guess what I’m wearing?” type of scenarios. As such I thought a “date night” of dinner and movie would be a perfect way to test it out. Again I waited until we got to the restaurant since I didn’t want to kill the battery too soon… and I didn’t tell him since I wanted it to be a surprise.

The spot is one we’re both very familiar with; constantly busy so it’s somewhat loud with people talking over each other (I knew no one would come close to hearing it), fairly low key and exceptionally cozy with wonderful cushy booths you almost sink into (making positioning it instantaneous and very comfortable). To my instant surprise it turned on when I sat down… either my vulva/vagina is magical and has learned tricks I didn’t know about or my jeans pushed on the button. Regardless, awesomeness.  Shortly after the dessert came so did I. Rather funny since I hadn’t yet told him I was wearing it… I had planned on telling him once in the movie theater. My bad for thinking I would last that long. In the process I accidentally let out a quiet unexpected  moan which made him look at me and ask “stomach hurt? you can fart if you have to? it’s okay, I did already”… and that was that. Panty Play – 3, Me – 0. (Total time around 45 mins – by the time I was done the battery had all but died)

Clearly I’m going to have to use it again, but tell him before drinks arrive at the table.

The Good

Aside from being orgasm inducing (for me at least) the Panty Play
has quite a bit to offer; it’s discreet and something you could leave around without any fear or worry should someone find it. The texture is a wonderfully soft, supple and very smooth matte silicone (rather than glossy) that’s virtually seamless and attracts almost no lint or fluff whatsoever (I LOVE that!). The outer edges are surprisingly flexible and very thin (features that I think would allow it to fit most bodies well). During use it warms to body temperature, adding a pleasurable sensation to the experience that lends itself well to the comfort level. Finally, the bullet fits into the sleeve with little to no need for lube and removes just as easily – if you’re tired of fighting with bullets and sleeves you’ll love this.  

As for the stats you’re looking at 5′ inches in length by 2′ inches across with a depth of 1.75′ inches. Not too big, not too small, almost perfect. Almost.  

Care and Cleaning

Since the Panty Play is made of Ultra Premium Silicone you can wash it with anti-bacterial soap and water, boil it up to 600° Fahrenheit, bleach it with a 10% bleach solution, or simply put it in the top rack of your dishwasher…yes, I did say put it in the dishwasher.

Since I don’t think the bullet would do too well being placed in boiling water, a dishwasher or bleach solution I highly suggest you remove it from the sleeve and clean it with anti bacterial soap and water or spray it with toy cleaner .

As with all Tantus products you’ll want to only use a water based lubricants as a silicone lube will likely ruin it. Having said that, since it’s meant for external use and wont be inserted I don’t think you’ll need any lube.

Changing the batterie is very easy; just unscrew the bottom cap, remove your N battery, pop the new one in, screw the cap back on and you’re good to go! *I also suggest you remove the battery when the product is not in use as it could corrode and kill your bullet.

The Bad

While it was very comfortable 95% of the time there were a few instances when I found it slid out of place and the pointed bottom jabbed me in the rear. It didn’t hurt so much as felt a little awkward and uncomfortable (like when your pad bunches in your ass – TMI, I know). On that note, the rounded sides sometimes felt a little wide for my body and dug into the inside of my outer labia. It didn’t happen often but when it did it was annoying, a problem easily solved by shifting like I had a wedgie until it was back in place.

*Maybe making a smaller version for smaller body types would be a good idea. Though I completely understand that doing so may require using a smaller and less powerful bullet.

Other than that it was a little weird at first, especially since I’m not used to wearing things of this nature. I walked and knew it was there. I danced and knew it was there. I sat and knew it was there… until it warmed to body temperature and became comfortably positioned so I forgot it was there. Interesting how that happens.

Finally, orgasms in public aren’t for everyone. For me they were liberating and pretty fucking phenomenal. If you’re into it, you need a Panty Play.

Final Verdict

If you’re tired of companies claiming that their ‘panty’ product is the shit, only to find out that that remote doesn’t work, the egg is far too large, the wires are annoying or the vibrations are too loud, you’ll likely be very pleasantly surprised with the Panty Play. Not only is it comfortable (almost all  the time) it’s easy to use, puts you in control, doesn’t need to be inserted and offers stimulation to the erogenous zones many women require.

To get your hands on one of your own, or to check out all of the fantastic products they make I suggest you head over to the Tantus website where shopping is easy, discreet and your privacy is of utmost importance.

Big thanks goes out to Tantus for sending the Panty Play my way, I’m seeing a lot of fun adventures in my future!

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Below is a list of all the sales I currently know about: to visit the sales pages just click the images below.

Eden Fantasys

Free Xtreme Pack Bullet

Babeland

Sex Ed 102 Online Toy Store

Fleshlight

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Packaging

Like all of the products within the Intimate Organics collection the packaging for the massage oils is professional, respectful, tasteful and attractive. There is nothing on them that could be construed as inappropriate or tacky and they maintain an air of maturity that’s very much lacking within the adult market of intimate accessories.

Each 4 oz bottle features a front sticker with the basic label and scent information, while the back offers usage instructions, ingredients and company info. It’s simple. It’s straight forward and there really isn’t much else to say about it. For a company that’s trying to be high end and tactful, they’re hitting the nail on the head.

The Good

As with all of the products created by the company, the ingredients are certified organic, free of harsh chemical fillers and aren’t tested on animals.  For someone like me, who has highly sensitive skin (that reacts to almost everything) I love the fact that I can use them without being left with a rash or skin that’s irritated, sore and raw.

Fortunately a little goes a very long way, as a quarter size amount covers an entire back nicely, saving you money in the long run (less reapplying means you run through it slower). Having said that, each of the oils within the collection is free of the sticky, slick or tacky sensation offered by many other products and glides on smooth, quickly spreading over the skin with ease.  It’s not gritty or thick, nor does it feel synthetic or slimy and once fully absorbed the skin is left soft, supple, highly moisturized and wonderfully scented with a tiny amount of sheen.

On that note, unlike the flavored lubricants, which I found to be overwhelming, heavy and mostly nauseatingly sweet, each of the massage oils is light, fragrant and very appealing. To be honest, I wish this was what they had gone for with the flavored lubes since each offered a perfectly delicate scent that just begs to be smelled.

Being that I’m someone who’s likes products to leave me scented after use, I was very impressed with how long the smell lasted, founding it rather nice to catch an unexpected whiff of the wonderful aromas offered by these massage oils.

Although I wouldn’t suggest it for internal use, it’s great for manual stimulation or to deliver a fantastic massage, especially since it allows the hands to glide over the skin with absolutely no drag or pulling. For those that like to think outside the box it’s also a nice addition to a relaxing bath (just pour a cap full in), and is surprisingly great when rubbed on pressure points to be used as a fragrance (I’ve done it quite often and am always complimented on my ”perfume”).

Ingredients: Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Alsmot Oil), Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower Seed Oil), cocos Nucifera (Coconut Oil), Parfum, Tocopheryl Acetate,

Relaxing – Lemon Grass & Coconut

If you want a scent that’s warm, light and wonderfully fragrant with hints of lemon and creamy coconut, this is definitely the one for you. Call me crazy but it reminds me of a lemon pastry fresh from the oven or a margarita that’s been blended with a diluted pina colada. Either way it’s decadent and exceptionally yummy.

There’s nothing about this oil that’s overwhelming or heavy, instead being delicate, zesty, clean and fresh, and while the lemon scent is definitely there it’s by no means acidic or bitter, smelling more like the filling you’d find in a lemon tart or a cool lemon sherbert. Having said that, I know that Lemon Grass can be pungent and slightly spicy, but this is more of an earthy and sweet scent.

As for the coconut, it’s warm, inviting, creamy and balmy with vanilla undertones that soothe and comfort. I’ve always been a fan of anything coconut and found that this did not disappoint.

Sensual – Cocoa Bean and Goji Berry

By far this is my favourite out of the three, with the scent being warm with heady chocolate notes and an undertone of berries or chocolate covered cherries. To me this smells like Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Cherry Garcia ice cream or a jelly donut coated in powdered sugar. It’s decadent and delicious, without being overpowering or sickly sweet, a far cry from the offerings of the flavored lubes (if the company is reading this you NEED to find a way to make this edible!).

Once rubbed into the skin the oil leaves a lingering scent of sweet berries and savory warmed nuts (not schweddy balls, that’s different), that’s musky (not musty), fresh, warm and inviting. Like the Lemon Grass and Coconut version it’s not at all overpowering or heavy, instead being light, airy and comforting.

I have no clue how they came up with this fragrance but I want to applaud the company for creating a scent that’s so unique and luxurious, while also capturing the scent of chocolate almost perfectly.

Energizing – Fresh Orange & Wild Ginger

Due to the pungent orange smell that instantly made me think of a citrus scented cleaner this was my least favorite of the three. Unfortunately I couldn’t really smell the ginger, and once the oil was rubbed in it left me smelling like furniture polish.

On that note, rather than being sweet and spicy or crisp and clean, which is what I expect from something that’s orange and ginger scented, the aroma was tangy, zesty, lemony, very fragrant and a little waxy. The only consolation for my disappointment is that the ‘cleaner’ scent isn’t headache inducing. That’s a good thing…right?

The Bad

When it comes to complaints I only have one: It’s not edible!  Not that I’d really expect it to be since it’s a massage oil, but with how great they smell it’s quite a tease.

*If the folks at the company are reading this you need to make edible versions. I don’t care if they’re lubes. I don’t care if they’re oils. I don’t care if they’re some kind of bizarre hybrid of the two. Just let me eat the damn stuff. M’kay?

Final Verdict

For as disappointed as I was in the flavored lubes created by Intimate Organics I’m doubly pleased with the massage oils. Not only are they everything I thought they would be, they’re far better quality than I’d expect for the price (between $8.00 – $15.00 depending on where you shop).  To be honest, they’re a steal. One you shouldn’t pass up.

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The newest collection is a line of high quality flavored lubricants that warm on contact and offer unique flavors not found with other leading brands. Sticking with their mission, the company only uses certified organic extracts that are aspartame, paraben and DEA free, while also being sugar free, pure vegan and never tested on animals. Each decadently flavored water based lube is condom/dental dam compatible and highly concentrated.

Packaging

Like all of the products within the Intimate Organics collection each 120 ml bottle is professional and respectful, with nothing on it that’s tacky, inappropriate, potentially embarrassing or rude. The clear plastic is durable, with some weight behind it, feeling neither flimsy nor cheap. Because the sticker is placed in the back (facing the front) it allows a full view the liquid inside. The back provides information on the ingredients, usage instructions and company info, with nothing being overdone or distasteful.

The coinciding pictures used for each flavor are enticing, and while the description does contain the word ‘lubricant’ it’s likely that anyone who found the bottle would be so intrigued by the delicious images that they wouldn’t take notice to the fact that it’s a sexual wellness product, and instead opt to sample it for themselves.

When it came to issues with the packaging the only real complaint I had was the use of a screw cap that required depressing for access to the lube; had they used a pump top (like Pink lubricant) or a tube there would be less of a chance it could be potentially spilled (this from the girl that accidentally knocked the bottle over and spilled 1/4 of the stuff on the floor – thank God it’s water based and easy to clean up).

The Good

Regardless of the Intimate Organics flavour you choose, the lube glides on smooth and spreads easily, has a thin fluid consistency (compared to a thicker gel), doesn’t leave you feeling sticky or coated in product and warms when gently rubbed into the skin or blown on. On that note, they feel very silky and leave the skin soft and supple, allowing body parts to glide nicely without any friction.

Fortunately there’s no horrible aftertaste and while each is heavily scented, the taste (for the most part) isn’t completely overpowering or sickly sweet. Having said that, for those that like concentrated flavours and/or scents that require little to no reapplication this will be a perfect addition to your bedroom play.

*Note: Because the flavors are so concentrated you only need a little, and it’s best if you take the time to spread it out before licking it. Tasting it straight from the bottle or using too much will likely be too sweet or strong for most people. On the up side, if you’re using it in conjunction with a dental dam or condom the flavor and scent will overpower the stink of latex and make the situation far more enjoyable.

Ingredients: Vegetable derived Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Flavour, Water, Alcohol, Lycium Barbarum Fruit Extract, Cymbopogon Schoenantus Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract.

Savory & Sweet Flavours:

Intimate Organics Toasted Macadamia Lubricant

Although it’s called Toasted Macadamia I found the scent to be a mixture of caramel, rice crispy squares, burnt by the campfire toasted marshmallows and salty but sweet candied nuts (don’t pun that), making it a far cry from the traditional fruit flavors you’ll likely find with other brands.

The taste is sweet but savory, slightly nutty and leaves a lingering taste of toasted marshmallows on the tongue. It’s by no means overpowering or obnoxious, which was a nice surprise considering how strongly it was scented.  On that note, straight out of the bottle it’s exceptionally sweet and sugary, almost syrupy. Taking the time to thin it out over the skin before sampling works wonders for diluting the strong taste, making it far more palatable.

Intimate Organics Chocolate Mint Lubricant

For those that love Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream, you’re in for treat as the Chocolate Mint lubricant smells and tastes exactly as expected. Having said that, the first whiff is rather heavy and strong, being a tad overpowering, syrupy sweet and intense. If you tend to prefer flavored lubes that are delicate and light, this may not be the one for you – instead I’d highly suggest the chocolate lube offered by System Jo as both the flavor and scent aren’t far more subtle.

As for the scent, it starts off cool and minty then shifts to a divine chocolate that smells like a rich box of dark chocolates.  The flavor however is the quite the opposite, beginning with a warm chocolate and quickly shifting to a light and airy mint that lingers lightly on the tongue.  Like the Toasted Macadamia nut, sampling it from the bottle will likely be very syrupy and too pungent for most, even as someone with a serious sweet tooth I found it to be a bit much.

Unlike all of the others which are totally clear, this one has a slightly darker yellowish tinge that’s almost amber in color.  

Intimate Organics Vanilla Caramel Lubricant

No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get the smell of vanilla, the caramel was definitely there, possibly even a hint of custard, creamy butterscotch ripple ice cream or maple syrup, but no vanilla. That’s not to say it didn’t smell good, quite the opposite actually; the moment I caught a whiff my mouth instantly watered.

To me this smelled like my favourite dessert, Creme Brulee, with a creamy and thick decadent smooth custard sitting perfectly below a golden brown layer of crispy caramelized sugar. As for the taste, it’s nowhere near as rich or heavy as the Toasted Macadamia or Chocolate Mint, offering a sweet and decadent sugar flavor that’s very yummy and delectable.

Again, spreading it out over the skin before sampling will make it far more appealing, as tasting it straight from the bottle will likely be a little too sweet and syrupy.

Intimate Organics Pralines ‘n Cream Lubricant

Unlike the others I found this version a little too rich and sickly sweet making it my least favourite in the collection. While there is a slight hint of nuttiness, the thick syrup flavor was far too overpowering and took away from anything else it might have to offer – that’s even after I took the time to spread it out and slightly sink in. Even a finger tabs worth from the bottle almost made me sick… which is saying a lot being that I have a serious sweet tooth (Nesquick straight/no milk? YES PLEASE!)

On that note, if you really like sweets you’ll probably love this version, I’m just personally not a fan.

Fruit Flavours

Intimate Organics Wild Cherry Lubricant

Why do companies always feel the need to use words like “wild” in their flavoring descriptions? Maybe it’s just me but I rarely find that anything ‘flavored’ tastes like it would if found in the ‘wild’, and by ‘wild’ I mean ‘farm’, because lets get real, that’s where most fruit and veggies come from nowadays.

Even with my apparent cynicism I have to admit I love the way this lube smells. Not only is it light, fruity and juicy, it’s also deliciously sweet with a scent that reminds me of cherry Jell-O.  The flavor on the other hand is surprisingly heavy straight from the bottle (like Jell-O before it’s had a chance to set). Fortunately taking the time to thin it out over the skin makes it light and fruity, almost candy like.

*Like I said when I first started, this is nothing like what I’d expect a “wild cherry” to taste like. Personally I’d suggest the Cherry Vanilla lube created by Sliquid, but that’s just me.

Intimate Organics Citrus Burst Lubricant

Coming in somewhere between lemony Sunlight dish detergent and flat pop, this was my least favourite out of the fruit version when it came to the scent. Of course that’s just me, but it just didn’t have any redeeming qualities to leave me enticed or wanting to sample it. To be honest, I was actually kinda afraid it would make me sick.

Fortunately the flavor was much better than I expected, especially considering I thought it would likely taste like soap. It was surprisingly light and sweet, with subtle citrus flavours that tasted a like flat Sprite or a lime Popsicle. It’s by no means overpowering or syrupy, instead being something you’d likely keep sampling in an attempt to find the flavor.

For those that like light lime flavors or flat Sprite/7Up, I’d suggest this version. If on the other hand you prefer the flavors of a strong lemon candy you might want to try the System Jo Lemon flavored lube, it’s far more tasty.

Intimate Organics Wild Strawberry Lubricant

Like the Wild Cherry version, Wild Strawberry tastes nothing like what I’d expect a wild strawberry to taste or smell like, and while it’s not as overpowering or syrupy as many other strawberry flavored lubes on the market, it’s also not the greatest. For one thing it’s sweet, very sweet, and although the flavor is delicate and subtle like a real strawberry, the warming sensation detracts from the greatness that it could be by altering the sensation and distracting from the flavor.

Don’t get me wrong, out of the fruit flavored versions this is by far the best one, it’s just unfortunately very similar to everything else that’s supposed to taste like a strawberry. I guess the fact that it’s organic and free of chemicals makes it a far better option, but going on taste alone you’d never know the difference.

The Bad

When it came to things I didn’t like about the flavored lubes offered by Intimate Organics there were quite a few, which is rather unfortunate considering I really wanted to love them.

• The flavors and scents are heavy and overpowering, with some of them being almost nasautingly sweet. Fortunately spreading them out makes a big difference, but even then some are a tad too much.

• For as nice as the warming effect is on the skin, it’s not necessarily enjoyable when it comes to the edible side of the product. Sure thinning them out makes it not as effective, but it still creates a weird warming sensation on the tongue that detracts from the flavor.

• This may be a bonus for some people; because they’re so heavily scented once they’ve been licked off the smell still remains on anything it came in contact with be it sheets, body parts or otherwise.  Admittedly, it’s kind of interesting to play while there’s a scent of chocolate mint or crème brulee in the air, and it’s a rather nice cover up for those that can’t stand the smell of latex.

• Finally, the lube doesn’t fully absorb which is both a good and bad thing; on the one hand it maintains a consistency that’s slick and slippery without getting sticky or tacky, on the other hand you’ll need to wipe off any that’s left behind to fully get rid of it.

Final Verdict

I usually use this part of my reviews to go over the great things I loved about the product but for the first time in a long time I find myself at a loss for words. On the one hand the products are all certified organic, maintain their consistency, aren’t tested on animals, spread easily over the skin leaving you feeling silky smooth, and some of them even taste pretty damn good.  On the other hand the majority of them are very strong when it comes to the flavor/scent which may unfortunately put people off.  Thankfully they don’t smell highly chemical or obnoxiously fake, but that may not be enough of a reason for some people to love them.

For me it’s a toss up, but you might have a completely different result. I guess the only way to find out is to try them. You never know, you just may be pleasantly surprised.

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So, if you’re someone who ‘works’ within the scene (bloggers, reviewers, manufacturers, retailers, educators etc) and are in support of this, feel free to retweet it and/or add your thoughts. This isn’t just about me, this is about all of us working together to create an environment of understanding, respect, acceptance and professionalism – even if it was born out of the blissful truth alcohol often provides.

For those of you interested, this sort of goes hand in hand with my Open Letter To Manufactures, Retailers and Consumers, read it if you’d like, then make the effort to affect a change.

*the list is in no particular order of importance, I’m copying it from the way the booze permitted it to flow.

Things That Need To Stop

1.) Social Media/Video sites disallowing Sexual Education & assuming it’s all shameful info.

Maybe it’s just my experience but it seems that anytime a sharing site views the tag ‘sex’ moderators instantly think it’s referring to a hardcore gonzo movie filled with gaping holes, full frontal nudity, creamy facials, spread eagle dudes taking it rough doggie styles and rim jobs.  Not that there is anything shameful about watching porn or getting off to it, quite the contrary. It’s just that it’s the only thing I can see being removed or considered ‘inappropriate’ in this instance. And while I understand the need to be diligent when deleting content that could potentially harm a websites online social standing (read “stock holders interests”), I just can’t get my head around how a positive view toward sexuality, engaging viewers to think consciously about their sexual practices and encouraging ownership of ones own sexual exploration is even close to the scene I previously mentioned. Sex is not porn. Sex is not bad. Sex is just sex. Get the fuck over it and let those who seek to educate do our job.

*Fortunately twitter hasn’t fallen prey to those who feel that sex positive content needs to be censored like Facebook, YouTube and even Craigslist. I’ve got my fingers crossed that it stays that way, but as more corporate advertisers get involved I wouldn’t bet on it.

2.) Shitty companies that make garbage products being the ‘mainstream”. “Our Jelly Toys Are The Best!”

If there is one thing that seriously pisses me off when it comes to ‘mainstream’ manufacturers it’s the fact that the vast majority of them are the ones creating harmful and cheap products that do nothing more than leach chemicals and fall apart after a few uses. Excuse me for saying so, but it’s high time companies that produce quality products like Tantus, Sliquid, Crystal Delights, Vixen Creations, Fun Factory, Lelo, Standard Innovations (We-Vibe) and Njoy (to name a bunch) became the industry standard by which everything else was measured. Of course part of the problem here is educating the customer to know crap from quality, something that becomes increasingly difficult as more sites are choosing to censor sex positive educators

3.) Expecting fantastic reviewers to NOT get paid for their work. At the end of the day IT’S WORK! Not fun. Well okay it *is* fun…but a shit tonne of free dildos & lube don’t pay the rent. Ya heard! 

If I had a dollar for every time someone wrote and asked me to review something, offering a “free” product as payment, I’d have a lot more money to put toward my consumption of booze and time to rage on twitter.  Unfortunately you can’t buy drinks with dildos, sure you can stir them but with many being rather girthy it gets kind of messy and wastes alcohol. And we all know wasting alcohol is just stupid.

All jokes aside, at the end of the day it’s reviewers that take countless hours out of their day to write the review, spread it through social media outlets (where your company had no pull), answer questions about your product to help generate sales, directed sales to your site, offered search engine optimization that built up your online rankings and given you direct access to a target market that would have otherwise been inaccessible – with all of it done UNPAID, except for that “free” dildo of course.  Maybe it’s just me but that just doesn’t seem fair. Nor does it make the dildo something that was “free”.

So here it is and I’ll say it again: people need to get paid for their work.

Whether it’s paying for the actual content, offering up an affiliate program (where they can make a commission), or creating some form of a reward system so they can save money on other products. The actual way of making it worth our while doesn’t really matter to me, it’s getting people rewarded for their work that does.

4.) Trying to buy reviewers opinions. Product features are just that. Reviews are HONEST experiences & reactions.

While this may seem like common sense I feel the need to explain something just so there are no more misunderstandings:

Review [ri-vyoo] noun: a critical evaluation, a formal assessment or examination of something, a general survey, a report or account of something. – simply put, reviews are opinions based on the personal experience(s) had by the reviewer. They include the good, all the little things that make the product/experience what it was, and should include the bad (if there was anything bad), offering consumers the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding their future purchase(s).

Product Placement/Feature: If you want someone to write glowing words about your product without actually having tried it, therefore providing little detail toward the actual experience, you want a product placement/feature.  Actually, what you’re asking is for someone to write a bunch of bullshit about your product.  My advice, don’t expect much, don’t try to control their work and yes, be sure to pay them, well; if they’re going to sell out you might as well make it worth their while.

*for the record, while I do get paid for my work none of my opinions have ever been bought, nor do I offer any editorial control to those that provide products for me to review.

5.) Lying to customers about the quality of products or saying something is what it’s not. TPR is NOT silicone. 

Simply put, don’t stuff a jelly vibe in my Vag and tell me it’s silicone. My vagina is classy and only likes the best of the best, anything else and I get unruly, miserable and volatile.  And yes, I do know the difference. It’s my own fault really, I’m spoiled. I can’t help it, my vagina deserves it!  Don’t make me punish you because I unknowingly punished myself. You lie, you get cut. That’s just how it works. 

 6.) Thinking every reviewer/sex educator/porn star wants to see a picture of your dick. WE DONT! Get over yourself!

If I had a dollar for every time this happened I’d get a least a months worth of rent covered.  Maybe two. For those that do it because they’re genuinely concerned about their Johnson, here’s something you may not have thought of yet – go see a doctor! I’m not a medical professional that can treat or diagnose you, neither are the majority of porn stars or reviewers. If we wanted to see a dick we’d watch a porn, then probably whack off and write a review. It’s that simple.

7.) Spamming reviewers w/ mass emails if they don’t respond to the 1st you send. We likely read it, then deleted it.

Okay, I know how bitchy that really sounded, and I totally admit that I very often get a backlog of messages making staying up to date rather difficult, but the truth is – if you’ve sent a message more than twice and haven’t gotten a response, it’s likely because the person a.) didn’t like the website b.) didn’t like the products you were offering 3.) thought you came off as a total conceited dickhead d.) already knows about your company and doesn’t want anything to do with it or e.) all of the above. Sending another 5 emails won’t change our minds. If anything it’ll just piss us off and make us block/delete you. Be nice and carry good stock, that’s all we’re asking for.

8.) Being impatient w/ reviews. Unless you do it you have no idea how hard it is to write a review…especially when it’s on a near daily basis, for things that are exceptionally similar or hard to put into words. Reviewers block happens.

I’ll be totally and completely honest here: I literally have a bin of products in a back log just waiting to be reviewed, most of which are in various forms of 2nd and 3rd drafts (I usually ‘test’ products 6 times, adding or changing things to the review as the experiences allow). Having said that, writing every day can be exhausting and often leads to a serious case of reviewers block/sex toy burn out. And while we may be very professional at what we do, we only have so many holes and so many hours in the day. Be patient, it’ll get done, and when it does it’ll probably be far better than you’d expect.

9.) Not giving reviewers the credit they deserve. Without them who would vouch for your product or help *sell* it?

There are some companies that are amazing when it comes to helping reviewers get off the ground, gain experience and treat them with the respect and understanding they deserve. On the flip side there are those that don’t seem to give two shits about the very person who is helping to expose the brand to an online market they would otherwise be unable to reach. Whether companies like it or not the sex toy reviewing army is the bridge to your target market, play nice with them and they’ll promote you in ways you probably didn’t know existed. Be shitty and you’ll forever regret it. Trust me on this one.

10.) Ripping off other companies ideas & trying to make a profit. Let the independent creators be for crying out loud!

I’ve seen it time and time again; little guy comes on the scene with a line of products that are truly inspiring (Njoy, Jollies, O’My to name a few), they start to sell and little guy begins to get some acknowledgment, big guy comes along and sees little guys product, thinks to himself “I can make that, and with my huge manufacturing plant I can do it at a fraction of the cost”, big guy steals little guys design (because he either didn’t know to patent it or couldn’t afford to), big guy markets it as his own, little guy tries to fight it but can’t afford to go up against big guy since finances are limited, big guy offers the products at a lower prices to a wider range of retailers and takes a large portion of the little guys market, little guy can’t afford to keep creating and shuts down shop. It’s sad. It’s unfair. It’s bullshit. It needs to stop.

This doesn’t just go for sex toys, this goes for the way the whole friggin world works. If you see something you like, buy it from the original person that made it. That’s the only way to stop this shit from happening. Even better, boycott the big guys that steal from the little guy and make sure everyone knows why you’re boycotting. Awareness, like knowledge, is power. Use it.

11.) Thinking ALL sex toy companies are the same. They’re not! Usually separated by motive. #passion vs #greed -

While the vast majority of manufacturers/retailers within the adult market are only in it to make a buck off your lack of product knowledge, there are quite a few that pride themselves on not only being eco-friendly but also wanting to offer the very best of the very best to their customers. Yes, they want to make money – if they didn’t how could they operate – but they’re not willing to place personal pocket change over user safety.

*The below lists might help when it comes to finding a company to support and buy from (I’ve provided two links  1.) The Manufacturers website  2.) Either the Manufacturers website via my affiliate link, or a site that carries the items via my affiliate link  -  if you buy through the affiliated links I get the credit – thanks for helpin a sista out!)

Manufacturers I’m fans of : Tantus (affiliated link), Vixen Creations (affiliated link), Happy Valley (affiliated link), Njoy (affiliated link), Bad Dragon, Lelo (affiliated link), LEAF (affiliated link), OhMiBod, Fleshlight, Fun Factory (affiliated link), Crystal ID, Jimmy Jane, Je Joue (affiliated link), Sliquid (affiliated link), System Jo (affiliated link), We-Vibe (affiliate link), Intimate Organics (affiliated link), Trust Intimacy Oil (there’s many more, I just didn’t want to overwhelm you too soon).

Retailers I’m fans of : SheVibe, Babeland, Eden Fantasys, My Tickle Spot, PinkCherry

12.) Thinking Sexual Education = Educators saying “go out & get laid everyday!!”. It’s about making informed decisions and helping people become empowered.

I’d go into further detail with this one but its pretty self explanatory.  All we’re trying to do is help others make responsible decisions and participate in activities knowing the full scope of possible consequences.

13.) Thinking that sexuality, sex, etc is shameful, disgusting, embarrassing & crude. Sex happens. We all do it.

Again I’m not going into detail. You get it. You wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t.

14.) Trying to persuade reviewers that your new thing is THE new thing & we MUST have it to review! #beentheredonethat

Sorry to all the inventors, creators and dreamers who were offended by this one. I really didn’t mean for it to sound so shitty, but the truth is, while we appreciate your enthusiasm and passion we don’t need you to ‘sell’ us on the idea. We get it. And like the drunk person at the bar who keeps trying to convince us to go home with them because they’ll be “the best we ever had” (or some similar load of horse crap), your passion can be misconstrued and put us off of an otherwise amazing concept or idea. Basically put, it’s not about the product, it’s about the approach. If you’re real with us we’ll more than likely happily take the product for review, be persuasive/persistent and we’ll likely be annoyed and remain unimpressed.

15.) Not offering reviewers a way to make a living doing something they love. #hardwork should be #rewarded

This goes hand in hand with #3, #4 and #9. We work our asses off (sometimes literally) to offer something you can’t; an honest review of the product that covers everything a person would want to know before they buy. And although most of us work from home, it doesn’t mean we’re not slaving away over word choices, grammar or linking strategies to help build up your company. If you get paid to do what you do, so should we. Period.

*I’m re-posting from #3 just to make sure I get my point across:  Whether it’s paying for the actual content, offering up an affiliate program (where they can make a commission), or creating some form of a reward system so they can save money on other products. The actual way of making it worth our while doesn’t really matter to me, it’s getting people rewarded for their work that does.

16.) Asking for previews of reviews so that you can make changes if you don’t like the way it’s written. Previews are fine if it’s so that you can quote, link to or help promote, but to *change* content – you should have just done it yourself.

I don’t know about anyone else but I do not grant editorial control over my work to anyone for any reason, and when I’m courted by a company I make to let them know I’ll be writing an honest review of my experience. If they don’t like it they can go elsewhere. That’s not what I’m about.

17.) Not supporting your favourite reviewers. If you like what they do, buy through their links. It helps. Trust me!

This one is for the folks that read the reviews and watch the videos; if you like the work a reviewers done and are going to buy the products mentioned make sure to do so through their links.  Not only does it show the company that they’ve drawn traffic to the website (which makes the company want to continue working with them), it also provides a small portion of pocket change to keep doing something they love.

*for those that think reviewers are raking in the dough… nothing could be further from the truth. The amount most reviewers make is minimal. Maybe it’ll pay for groceries for the week. Maybe it’ll cover the internet and phone bills. Maybe it’ll help cover some of the rent. Just know that what many reviewers make is just enough to help and doesn’t support them 100%.

18.) Thinking that all reviewers are sex crazed whores that just want to f*ck all day. Some are/do, most don’t/aren’t.

Sorry, I have to correct myself on this one. We’re all sluts. The whole lot of us. There’s no one that could ever satisfy our greedy lust for smooth and supple silicone and the way it fills us. No man could ever please us. No woman could be enough. It’s why we bang various colored dildos and vibes every chance we get.  A raging hard-on just ain’t good enough for our spoiled holes anymore. So sorry to have to let you know this way, I just think it’s time I came clean for everyone’s sake <- sarcasm. *head desk* *head desk* *head desk*

*you have no idea how badly I want to fly into a rant about how liberating it is to take ownership of ones own sexuality and how wonderful it feels to know yourself more intimately than anyone else ever could… but I’ll save that for another post.

19.) Thinking that all reviewers are doing it for a “money grab” – most of us only review quality goods that are well made, created by companies we trust & help us educate in some way or another. We do it because we love it.#loveyourjoborquit

While I can’t speak for anyone else I can personally say that the main goal (for reviewing) has always been to expose my audience to a wide range of products that are easy to use, quality, crafted out of body safe materials and worthy of owning. If a product is poorly made, crafted out of materials that are sub-par, or breaks down after a few uses – 9 times out of 10 I won’t bother to review it. It’s just not worth my time (which could be spent exploring and experiencing products I do love), and definitely not worth yours (or your money).  Having said that, the reviews will be honest and offer info on the things I didn’t like about the product, I’m just not going to accept a product I know I’ll hate just so I can write a horrible review… if I had expectations that I’d like it and ended up not, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll let you know.

20.) Using horribly sexist/crude/violent/misogynistic descriptions for products. It doesn’t help anyone.

I covered this in my Open Letter To Manufactures, Retailers and Consumers, I’m not going to go off again here. I just may brain hemorrhage from rage if I do.

21.) Thinking a reviewer has nothing to offer because they are ‘new’. We’ve all been there.  Cut some slack & give some support. They deserve a chance.

At some point in time we’ve all been the new kid on the block. We’ve questioned what we had to offer and felt insecure jumping on board with all the amazing reviewers already on the scene. We’ve contacted companies and asked for products only to be met with rejection. We’ve taken what we could get, either because we didn’t know better or because we felt desperate. We’ve watched as others grew up through the ranks and felt stifled as we sat at the bottom waiting for our chance. My point, give the new reviewers a shot and help guide them when possible. This is a community, not a competition.

22.) Thinking that when your partner uses a product during sex it means you’re not good enough. #itsnotyouitsme 

Rather than being a selfish, shitty and egotistical person who thinks that they are the end all be all in bed, realize that a product may be able to do something you can’t and that maybe you’re partner needs that kind of stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm. It doesn’t mean your not good at what you do. It doesn’t mean they don’t’ like you. And it certainly doesn’t mean your not “good enough”. It just means that they need a little help getting from A to O and whatever they’ve got on hand will likely offer what they need.

*for the record, over 70% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm and considering that traditional penetration does nothing for the clitoris it’s pretty understandable that a female would want to add something external to the experience.

23.) Creating ‘competition’ between reviewers. Most of us are in it for the same reason – to do something we love, have fun doing it, make an impact in some way or another & explore our sexuality. We should be helping each other grow, not limiting

I understand that many reviewers see their ‘jobs’ as a competition for a persons dollar, but for me it’s bigger than that. My job has been, and always will be, to educate about sex, inform readers/viewers about the options available, encourage exploration of ones sexual self and support those within the community that I think have something positive to offer. Does this mean that my viewers/readers may very well buy something from their link instead of mine? Certainly…and I’m okay with it.  Sure, I’d prefer to be the one profiting, but I get it.

At the end of the day all that matters is that my readers/viewers have been exposed to another person who treats sex like it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and in the meantime also possibly found a product that will liberate them in some way. This is bigger than me. This is bigger than getting a cheque in the mail for a commission. This is about freeing people from the guilt ridden chains that bind and creating a society of people who are sexually aware and confident.

So that’s pretty much it. I’m done bitching for the night.

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*if you want to make sure I get the credit for the sale just go to the sites through the links below. Thanks!

Tantus 60% off sale

*with the 60% off some items are less than $15.00! **Use code CLOSEOUT60 at checkout

Fleshlight 15% off EVERYTHING!

Eden Fantasys Sales

Babeland 25% Off Sale

PinkCherry Sale

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Having said that, the Exposed Double Keyhole Dress (sent my way by the amazing folks at SheVibe) is actually pretty decent… it just sadly didn’t offer the support I hoped for. But being that there’s no underwire, just a thin string to hold it up, I don’t know why I hoped for it anyways. My bad.

Packaging

The wet look dress and g-string are contained in a pink and black box that’s pretty basic. The front features a photo of the dress, while the back shows the back of 5 different outfits, one of them being the current version I’m reviewing.  There’s nothing on the packaging that’s rude or tacky, though it’s lingerie so I wouldn’t expect that anyways (box is pictured left in the bottom right hand corner). Other than that there really isn’t much to say; it’s a box with a sassy lil tart wearing the outfit… who’s boobs I’m very jealous of!

The Good

Regardless of the fact that it didn’t offer the support I wanted (boob wise) there were quite a few redeeming qualities the dress had to offer; the quality was far better than I expected (I’ve worn it and washed it twice, yet none of the stitching has come undone), it felt nice against my skin (rather than being rough or itchy) and looked better than I thought it would. On that note, unlike a PVC wet look material the Polyester/Spandex mix provides a shine that’s free of potential finger marks should anyone touch it. Having said that it’s not a glossy kind of shine, instead offering a silverish sheen that reflects when the light hits it.

As for sizing, the chart is surprisingly reliable – to accommodate for my top heaviness I got the L/XL (sizes 12 – 18) and found that it stretched very well, hugging every other curve perfectly (my tits on the other hand just kind of sat there). Because the only support offered is the string that ties around the neck I found that it pulled and shifted up the back of my neck as I moved (due to the weight of my boobs), leading me to constantly have to adjust it back into place. Although it was slightly annoying it’s something that I’m rather accustomed to so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Fortunately the front pieces stayed put and didn’t shift, something I have often found with other lingerie of the same design – I think it’s due to the fact that the back has a wide clasp closure rather than a drawstring or one that ties up (which tends to loosen the more the wearer moves around).

Unfortunately the g-string was a little too tight for me to comfortably wear and kept digging into my hips, rubbing painfully into them as I moved (I’m phat, what can I say). I also didn’t like having the string up my ass, but that’s just me (I never wear g-strings). Again it’s decent quality and hasn’t fallen apart yet, something I didn’t expect.

The only real difference I noticed regarding the way it fit (when compared to the image on the box) was the middle string like connector: in the picture it looks like it’s somewhat wide but even with the stretch it offered it was nowhere as wide as portrayed, I think it was the only real thing that kept my boobs in check.

As for care and cleaning I’ve hand washed it in cold water and laid it flat to dry, whereas my partner accidentally put it in the washing machine on warm… aside from having the string get tangled in a bunch of socks it held it’s own. The shape hasn’t changed at all and the material still feels like when I got it. Like I said, it’s surprisingly decent quality (especially for the price).

The Bad

The only real complaint I have is regarding the support, but that’s an issue with me, my body, and how I want things to look, rather than being an actual issue with the product.

Final Verdict

If you’re a D or below in the breast department, have perky boobs whether they’re big or small (yes I did just say that), have fake tits that don’t need support, or don’t really give a shit if they hang naturally… you’ll probably really like the dress. Having said that, it’s comfortable, easy to care for, feels nice against the skin and holds all the wobbly bits in like a compact little unit. I just have unrealistic expectations for how I want things to look and felt a little disappointed once it was on (fortunately my partner is great for my ego and loved the way it fit).

Even if the wet look double keyhole dress isn’t your thing, SheVibe has a tonne of affordable lingerie, sexy costumes, flirty wigs and fun shoes to choose from, in my next life I’m coming back as someone that can wear these. Just sayin.

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Fortunately being Canadian, and living within traveling distance from the head office, I was able to meet with the creative team behind the collection and see some of the designs before they were finalized. Now having the finished versions in my hands I can honestly say they’ve truly raised the bar and exceeded all my expectations. Having said that, even though I’ve had the absolute pleasure of working with the company I promise to be honest with my reviews.

For today’s review I’ll be covering Life, with reviews of the others to follow in the coming weeks.

Packaging

The first thing that impressed me with the collection was the packaging; each item comes in a sturdy and well made light brown box that’s discreet, professional, respectful and very much resembling something one would find on the shelves of a boutique department store, spa, or health and wellness center.

There’s nothing within the description to hint that it’s a sexual wellness product, not even the word ‘vibe’ or ‘vibrator’ can be found. The front of the box features the Leaf logo in a faint white ink, the name of the product, website and some benefits and features. One side sports the magnetic flip closure with the Leaf logo, product name and an image of the included version, while the other side offers a full list of benefits and features in 6 different languages.  Basic info can be found on the back, along with graphic images that highlight the many features offered by the collection.  Maintaining an air of simplicity, only a bright green leaf can be found on the top, with the bottom displaying the Leaf logo along with a scannable code that’s compatible with the Scanlife app for various mobile devices (very forward thinking of them!).

*Included w/ purchase: a user manual placed inside a dark chocolate brown cardboard cover, a light tan canvas tote, the specific product purchased and the charging jack.

The Good

When it comes to the benefits and features found with Leaf there’s quite a few to take note of. I figured I’d point form them all out since they encompass the entire line, that way when you’re reading the future reviews you can just skip this part and jump to the actual product being reviewed.

• Along with being phthalate and latex free, the matte silicone finish is soft and supple, granting a surface area that doesn’t really attract any lint (one of my major pet peeves when it comes to silicone sex toys).  Because they’re silicone they’re also non-porous and don’t absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria, making clean up quick and easy (they even passed the flame test).
  
• The virtually seamless exterior provides a surface that’s fully usable (rather than just a shaft at the end of a bulky handle), offering a wide variety of options when it comes to exploring your body or the toy.
• For those that hate products requiring batteries, each Leaf vibe uses a rechargeable Lithium-Polymer battery making the entire collection eco-friendly, long lasting and ready when you are.
• Like many other high end luxury manufacturers, Leaf offers a 1-year limited warranty against defects in materials and workmanship from the original date of purchase (*hold on to your receipts). In my experience companies will only offer this when they truly stand behind their product and value their customers.
• Last but definitely not least, each Leaf vibe uses PowerBullet™ technology to provide an extremely powerful vibration that can be felt through the entire body of the product. I’ll be honest, I was rather surprised with the strength, especially when compared to other hand held clitoral stimulators of the same nature.

Life

Looking like a cross between an elf shoe, leaf, flower petal and leprechaun tongue, Life is by far one of my favourites in the collection, with Spirit and Fresh coming a close second and third. While the features listed above are reason enough for me to love it, there are many more that sealed the verdict;  the compact design fits very comfortably in my hand and allows for an ease of control that’s hard to match, there’s no annoying exposed buttons or seams for me to worry about cleaning, it’s exceptionally smooth to the touch feeling almost buttery (unlike many other silicone sex toys), I can find the highest speed in an instant, it’s body safe, hasn’t yet died while getting me from A to O and most importantly – I can leave it out in the open without the fear of someone finding it and thinking I’m a total perv (while my friends know what I do – and don’t give a rats ass – there have been times when my husbands friends and family have shown up only to find a litter of non discreet sex toys sprawled around the house. Oops. My bad).

Truth be told, it was the unique ergonomic shape that really won me over as it presented new ways for me to fiddle and diddle; the tapered end was great for pinpoint clitoral stimulation, while the flatter end provided a larger surface area for stimulation, the bulbous groove located in the middle was great to grind and press against, while flipping it sideways allowed it to fit my vulva comfortably (dare I say almost perfectly? Yes, I dare). Of course the design isn’t limited by gender, whether male or female, used for solo play or with a partner, the unique curves would likely fit the contours of any body exceptionally well (just keep in mind it’s not something you’d want to use anally since there’s no flared base).

And let’s not forget the color, it’s green! Not the standard black, white, purple, blue, or pink hues (which I’m admittedly getting sick of), it’s a bright, bold green that’s fresh and exciting. Yes, there definitely needs to be more of this please.

As for the controls, there’s only one button to worry about which makes it exceptionally easy to use. Having said that, there is a learning curve for those accustomed to continual button pressing when it comes to increasing speeds or jumping through vibration modes – once on, pressing the button will cause it to instantly shut off. Instead Life uses what the company calls “Press and Hold” technology; simply press the button and hold until you reach the desired strength, then let go and it will continue at that speed until you a.) press and hold it again (which will speed it up), or b.) press it once (which will shut it off). It’s simple. It’s straight forward. It’s time saving. Brilliant!

Rather than being a high-revving buzzy vibe that can only be felt on the surface, Life generates a low-pitched rumbly vibration that’s deep, penetrating and highly pleasurable. Having said that, the diagram in the manual shows the motor sitting closer to the end of the body, yet I found it could be felt through the entire length of the 4.1″ inches offered. Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s the solid design, either way it’s badass and I like it!

*for as surprisingly powerful as it is it’s also damn near whisper quiet. Sure, it makes noise, but considering it is a vibrator it’s to be expected.

Thanks to a self sealing charging port Life is fully waterproof and allow for safe usage in the bath, shower or any other watery place you’d like to play (I left mine in the sink for around an hour and it was still going when I came back). Regarding the charging, simply insert the jack into the tiny hole located on the underside and leave it be. As it’s charging a little red LED light will glow beneath the surface, only turning off once it’s fully charged. Because of the type of battery used there’s no memory so you can charge it at any time, rather than having to wait for it to be exhausted before charging (for a single charge you’ll get between  1 1/2 to over 2 hours worth of play time depending on the speed).

Care and Cleaning

Because it’s a silicone toy I wouldn’t suggest using a silicone lube as it would likely ruin the product over time, instead opt for a good water based lube and all should be fine. On that note, while the silicone is very smooth there is a slight bit of drag on the skin so you will likely need to add lubricant.

When it comes to cleaning simply wash it with mild soap and water or spray it down with your favourite toy cleaner. Regardless of what you use remember that the silicone is non-porous so it doesn’t need the same heavy duty cleaning a TPE or TPR product would require.

The Bad

For as much as I wanted to find something to dislike there was nothing big enough to bitch about; sure the matte silicone can cause a little bit of drag on the skin (use lube, problem solved), there’s no vibration modes (I don’t personally like them anyways), and it turns off when you press the button (great for when you need to turn it off in a hurry), but considering there’s so much going for it I really don’t find those issues worthy of a rant.

Final Verdict

After having spent the last 5 years dedicating myself to finding the perfect external vibe (for my body) I think I may have found a new addition to add to my list of faves; it’s just as comfortable as the We-Vibe Touch (if not slightly more so), doesn’t have the same bizarre buzzy defect as the Form 2, offers the same discretion found with the Voila yet is far more comfortable to hold, doesn’t require batteries like the Pocket Rocket (and is much more powerful), isn’t heavy or bulky like the Hitachi Magic Wand and has silicone covered buttons to offer a fully usable surface unlike the Lelo Lily. Of course each of those other products will retain a place within my top 10 list, but Life fills all the little voids, while also offering a whole new range of benefits and features.

If you’re looking for an exceptionally well designed line of products, that are as eco-friendly as they are unique, reliable and powerful, you definitely need to check out the entire Leaf collection. Even if Life doesn’t interest you I’m sure there’s one within the group that will.

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]]> http://karasutra.blog.com/2011/11/25/black-fridaycyber-monday-sales/feed/ 2 http://karasutra.blog.com/2011/11/10/breaking-dawn-inspired-giveaway/ http://karasutra.blog.com/2011/11/10/breaking-dawn-inspired-giveaway/#comments Thu, 10 Nov 2011 10:00:48 +0000 Kara_Sutra http://karasutra.blog.com/?p=2629 I’m going to admit something many 32 year old women won’t: I’m a huge fan of the Twilight series. No, seriously – I’m the kind of fan that has a countdown to Breaking Dawn on my sidebar. Yes, I’m that lame. Now whether it’s because of the cheesy yet romantic storyline, hilariously over acted tearing off of shirts, amazing digitally created Werewolves, never before seen sun sparkly Vampires or teen angst filled scenes that can only be found in the 80’s movies  John Hughes crafted, I have no clue. I just know that I’m drawn to them like a moth to a flame. A perverted, dreamy eyed, wants to mount a vampire and still-believes-in-fairy-tales kind of moth that is.

*For the record I can see how silly the movies are and how predictable, over acted or overdone the plot line is, but I still love them. Sue me!

So, with the release of the most sexually charged movie in the Twilight series (Breaking Dawn) being only 11 days away, I figured it was a perfect opportunity to hold a sex toy giveaway – one featuring some potentially creepy, scary or horrifyingly marvelous Vampire and Werewolf inspired products!

The following packages are up for grabs

• 1 Succu Dry Fleshlight, 4 oz bottle of Fleshlube, 3 condoms (various types), 15% off coupon to an online sexual wellness store, 30 minutes of free porn valid at Hot Movies For Her.

*Succu Dry and Fleshlube courtesy of Fleshlight.

• 1 Count Cockula, 4 oz bottle of O’My Natural lubricant, 3 condoms (various types), 15% off coupon to an online sexual wellness store, 30 minutes of free porn valid at Hot Movies For Her.

*Count Cockula courtesy of Fleshlight.

• 1 Tantus Vamp Dildo (it sparkles like Edward!!), 2.5 oz tube of Lelo Personal Moisturizer, 3 condoms (various types), 15% off coupon to an online sexual wellness store, 30 minutes of free porn valid at Hot Movies For Her

*Vamp courtesy of Tantus

• 1 Fleshligh Drac dildo, 2.5 oz bottle of System Jo H2O, 3 condoms (various types), 15% off coupon to an online sexual wellness store, 30 minutes of free porn valid at Hot Movies For Her.

*Drac Dildo courtesy of SheVibe

• 1 Small David The Werewolf dildo, 4oz bottle of O’My Natural lubricant, 3 condoms (various types), 15% off coupon to an online sexual wellness store, 30 minutes of free porn valid at Hot Movies For Her.

*David The Werewolf courtesy of Bad Dragon.

• 1 Death By Orgasm – Werewolf Silver, 2.5 oz bottle of System Jo H2O, 3 condoms (various types), 15% off coupon to an online wellness store, 30 minutes of free porn valid at Hot Movies For Her.

*Death By Orgasm and all other additional offerings courtesy of Sex Ed 102 w/ Kara_Sutra

Of course I know there are many of you that don’t like Twilight, many who would much rather suffer some form of serious pain than watch any of the movies, so for you I have this to offer…

Eric Skarsgard, Stephen Moyer, Deborah Ann Wool, Kristin Bauer (the Vampires) or  Joe Manganiello (the Werewolf) from True Bloood, Kate Beckinsale,  Rhona Mitra (lady vamps) or Michael Sheen (Werewolf “Lucien”) from the Underworld movies, Sybil Danning as the Queen Werewolf ‘Stirba’ in Howling II, Ethan Hawke in Daybreakers, Aliyah as Akasha in Queen Of The Damned, Wesley Snipes or Stephen Dorf in Blade, Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys, Taylor Kinney and Michael Trevino in The Vampire Diaries, Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Antonio Bandares in Interview With A Vampire, Michael J. Fox or Justin Bateman in Teen Wolf (part 1 and 2 respectively) – Need I say more?

If you want a chance to win simply head over to my facebook page and follow the Breaking Dawn Inspired Giveaway Instructions to track your entries.

Good Luck!!

p.s. You can bet your sweet ass I did this to coincide w/ the full moon~!

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Of course I totally understand that these wont appeal to everyone, in fact, I’m pretty sure they’ll appeal to very few of you. However, taking into consideration they’re made by one of my favourite companies and feature one of my all time favourite undead ‘monsters’ I just couldn’t resist.

*For those of you interested, in the coming days I’ll be holding a giveaway that includes 1 Succu Dry, 1 Tantus Vamp Dildo, 1 Fleshlight Drac dildo and a bunch of other goodies to coincide with the November 18 release date of the film Breaking Dawn (you know, the one with the mopey girl who falls in love with a vampire, but can’t be with said vampire because he’s a vampire, yet still loves said vampire even though he can’t keep her warm at night, so she falls for a werewolf who can keep her warm but probably also smells like a wet dog once he’s been out in the rain. Vampire and girl have sex. Werewolf  looses his shit, epic battle between vampires and werewolves ensue, yadda, yadda, yadda…yeah, that one. Want a more simplistic view of of the movie – check The Oatmeal, How Twilight Works)

*Totally proud of myself for finding a way to work The Oatmeal into a post about sex toys and vampires!! <- nod to Tosh 2.0 on that one!

Packaging

Just like the majority of Sex In A Can  products the packaging is pretty stellar, and while the vampire versions may not be the most discreet, they’re definitely one a kind and branded exactly as I’d expect with red, black and white coloring, cheesy yet hilarious descriptions and graphic designs that are some of the best you’ll find on a male masturbator.

*They got the amazing designer Hydro74 to do the artwork, no wonder they’re so badass!

Each of the fake cans has quite a bit of weight to it (coming in at around a pound) and like a regular beer or pop can, has a flip tab lid (because the tab is part of the case it can’t be opened). The outer casing is made of solid plastic in a silverish tone with a matte finish that’s rather basic, I can only assume they were going for the ‘undead’ gray tone with that. Due to the writing and imagery I’m pretty sure they’re not something someone would immediately identify as as “sex toy”. However, if they pick it up and open it, you can bet your sweet ass they’ll ask what it is. You’ve been warned.

Succu Dry

The ‘straight’ version – Succu Dry – features a graphic design of  slightly pissed looking female vamp on the front, red and white tribal design around the top of the can, a ‘warning’ on one side and product description on the other. In true Fleshlight fashion, both are cheekily written:

“Government Warning: (1) Guidelines for sex with vampires, the Nosferatu, Succubi, or other undead have not been established, but the rumors are gushing! (2) Should bleeding from the canine incisions in the neck occur in combinations of feelings of ecstasy, uncontrolled ejaculation, and submission, path with garlic to prevent excess fedding and seek consecrated ground before calling 911. Or just enjoy!“”

“Feed The Need – Take a walk on the dark side and get familiar with this pale brew. But be careful! Though this may feel like love at first bite, make sure you have your wood poised to penetrate before you get completely drained! Enjoy to excess to ensure encounters with Succu Dry are A-Positive experience.”

Succu Dry Can

Product Description

"Warning"

Full Can

Count Cockula

The ‘gay’ version – Count Cockula – features the lower half of a male vampires face, complete with baring teeth and a trickle of blood on the lips. Splashed across the front in bright metallic red is the word “Cockula”, with the top of the letter “k” shaped like an erect penis (clever little so and so’s aren’t they!).  Unlike the Succu Dry can which had a tribal design around the top, there’s a solid black band with the word “Fleshjack” in white print that’s bordered by two thin red wisp designs. One side of the can has a ‘Government Warning’ and on the other, a similarly cheeky product description:

“Government Warning: May cause full body convulsions and light-headedness. May also give your cock life after death. Call your doctor if erections last longer than four thousand years. To end erections cause by Count Cock-ula Soda, just kiss a guy with garlic breath. That always kills our vampire erections.”

“Soda with Bite! Teeth are usually the last thing you want when getting sucked off. But with Count Cock-ula, the fear of being bitten is all the fun. So get ready to polish up your stake and drive it into this soft, vampire mouth for an orgasm that will wake the dead.”

Count Cockula Can

Product Description

"Warning"

Full Can

The Good

As I’ve said in nearly every Fleshlight review, I can’t help but be impressed. Sure the vampire versions may be out of the ordinary (read ‘bizarre’, ‘freaky’, ‘kinky’) but that’s just part of their charm. I mean really, how many other vampire blow job devices are there? I’m betting on less than 5, possibly less than 3 – including these 2 – which only leaves the possibility of one more, which I’m going to assume would be a far crappier version – and that’s even if it exists to begin with.

When it comes to material, the fanged and crooked toothed mouth is crafted out of the same soft and pliable Real Feel Super Skin® all major Fleshlight products are made from, offering a high-quality texture that’s specially designed to replicate the sensation of penetrative sex. Fortunately the entire sleeve (read ‘mouth’) is made this way, eliminating the painful experience real fangs and teeth might provide.

Both also adjust to body temperature rather quickly, retaining heat very well. If you’d like to alter the sensation from the start, simply place them in warm water until they reach the desired temperature then remove for use ( just remember DO NOT boil or microwave it them – you WILL ruin them!)

In regard to the stats you’re looking at 7 3/4″ total length (all useable), a total circumference of 9 1/4′ (the can), an entrance that will comfortably fit up to an inch girth and a total width of 2/34 inches.  Taking those figures into consideration, I do want to make it clear that while it may seem fairly accommodating, because the sleeve has extra material all the way around to help it fill up the can and stay in place, it can be rather tight. Some might like it, some might not, either way I figured it was worth mentioning.

For the most part its exceptionally easy to use, just unscrew the cap, pour some lube down the interior, think dirty thoughts about vampires and go to it! If you’re looking for a better suction, or to experiment with the sensations simply unscrew the bottom cap until the desired effect is achieved.

Feedback

Since I can’t use the products myself (Damn you vagina! Damn you!!) I had to hand them off to folks who’s honest opinions I trust, this is what they had to say…

*names have been removed to protect my testers privacy, each was given one can to sample, a Succu Dry or Count Cockula respectively.

First Impressions:

Count Cockula Tester -  “I really don’t know what to say about this. On the one hand it’s a pretty cool concept. On the other, the thought of ramming my man bits in a vampires mouth is kinda scary. Yes I know it’s fake, but still…”

Succu Dry Tester -  “Okay, this is kind of freaky looking. So long as I get to pretend it’s that hot chick from Underworld I’ll do it!”

After Use:

Internal Fang Texture

Count Cockula Tester-  “Well, I can honestly say that was interesting. It was a little uncomfortable at first (he didn’t use lube) but then it got way better (after he added lube). The internal fang things felt really bizarre, they didn’t hurt, but I couldn’t stroke as hard as I usually would and when I adjusted the suction, if you can call it that, it basically super sucked to my dick. It didn’t hurt, just scared me because I thought it was stuck and I’d have to go to the hospital with this weird vampire thing balls deep on me. Once I figured out how to use it properly it let go and I got the chance to fiddle with the different suctions. The texture was really soft and completely different then what I thought it would be which made experimenting with different ways of using it really easy.”

Succu Dry Tester – “Wow. Okay, I can honestly say I’m impressed. I didn’t really know what to expect, actually that’s a lie, I was terrified it would rip my dick off! Surprisingly, it felt really good! The nubbed fangs inside were a little rough though, they almost felt like they were gripping my foreskin. Then again, it’s supposed to be a vampires mouth so I assume they did that on purpose. The only thing I had issues with was getting my dick inside when I first started, it was a pretty tight fit so it was a little uncomfortable, but after I added a lot of lube I was fine. I liked how soft and squishy it was, probably a good thing since it made it far less intimidating that way.”

Final Thoughts:

Count Cockula Tester – “Would I recommend this to others? Sure, but only if they had some kind of vampire fetish, otherwise I’d just suggest the regular Sex In A Can things, they’re a little less scary and are a lot more discreet”

Succu Dry Tester – “If I had to suggest one of the Fleshlight products I don’t know if it would be this one. Sure it’s fun and all, but I don’t know how people would react if I said something like ‘hey, you should get a fake vampire fleshy thing to suck your dick’, you know what I mean? I’d probably suggest the bigger one (he meant the larger Fleshlight not a Sex In A Can), it’s a lot more comfortable, has more room to work with and doesn’t have fangs”

The Bad

When it comes to possible dislikes with the product there are sadly a few to consider;

1.) Since the cases are rather thick and not quite as long as the original Fleshlights (which are much longer and wider), they tend to offer a much tighter and shorter fit. For some of you this might be a good thing, for others an uncomfortable annoyance. The best advice I can give is to measure yourself when erect, then make a decision based on your size. Also, keep in mind that you can remove the sleeve from the case and use it that way – some prefer this method as it gives more control over the grip/sensation.

2.) Because the cans are smaller it’s also a little harder to vary the level of suction you’re going to experience. I’ve been told that it’s almost as if you get a powerful one or none at all. Since I don’t have a penis I can’t really offer my opinion, guess you’ll just have to try for yourself (go on, you know you want to!).

3.) This one is strictly coming from those that I’ve talked to who have used the product (6 people in total); because this model has an interior texture of little nubs that resemble fangs, it has the potential to be a slightly uncomfortable experience, one that doesn’t allow for heavy or rough thrusting. If you like a firm grip and being rough these might not be the ones for you.

Succu Dry On The Right, Count Cockula On The Left

4.) No matter how I angled myself, how close or far away I looked, or how much I wanted to see some major differences in the mouths I just couldn’t. It seems as though they’ve taken the same sleeve and just popped it into two very different cases. Not that I’m really complaining. After all, it’s the fangs (not the lips) that count with these versions. For those of you that do care about the lips, you may want to consider the versions taken from the molds of different porn stars instead (Female Fleshlight Porn Stars, Male Fleshlight Porn Stars).

*View both versions of the vampire mouths to the left and tell me what the major difference is. There’s none. Case closed.

Care & Cleaning

When it comes to lubes I would only suggest a good water based one as a silicone or oil based product will ruin it. Trust me on this!

To clean it simply remove the insert from the case and rinse it very well with lukewarm water; the product is porous so you will want to make sure there is no “residue” (read semen, lube etc) left behind. Once it’s clean either let it air dry or pat it with a lint free cloth (NEVER rub it or you will ruin the texture and appearance). Once it’s dry shake some corn starch or Renewing Powder and pat it gently; this will help to keep it soft and supple, rather then allow it to get sticky or tacky with use.

*If you do notice that it’s gotten gummy, sticky or tacky don’t worry, it’s not defective and don’t use soap or harsh chemicals to try to clean it. If it’s really bad you can try using isopropyl alcohol – again, be gentle.  The material tends to do that over time (as do most other UR3, Cyberskin and similar materials).

Final Verdict

When it comes to wonderfully bizarre and kinky sexual wellness products, these are high on my list. Sure, there are others that also offer an intensely unique experience (Bad Dragon takes the cake for that!), but because of the designs used they’re unfortunately little less ‘mainstream’ and far more ‘shock and awe’ inspiring (vampire mouth or 14 inch Dragon dong? You decide).

In my opinion, Fleshlight has managed to jump that hurdle by creating something that’s a little twisted, but very popular with a larger group of people and therefor much more accepted as a viable option when seeking sexual satisfaction w/ the undead (with the amount of sexy vampire characters on TV and in the movies how could it not be?). So, if you’re looking for a well made product that fulfills your vampire fantasys and potentially allows you to explore in ways you never dreamed imaginable, I’d highly suggest checking out the Succu Dry or Count Cockula male masturbators. Who knows, that bite just might surprise you.

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I know a lot of you reading this may think I’m talking out of my ass, but truthfully, between the never ending line ups for dressing rooms, hunting through racks and racks of outfits to find the right size, fighting over the last costume in the store (yes, it’s happened) and paying a small fortune for something most would only wear once, it’s the one and only aspect of Halloween I’ve always despised.

So, in an attempt to make this years dreaded Halloween costume shopping a little easier I thought I’d go new route and get one online. Of course this presents a whole other set of problems, mainly getting the size right.

Fortunately  the folks at Shevibe were fantastic when it came to only helping me understand the sizing charts, but also being honest with regard to the level of quality the costumes had to offer.

*here’s a little trick I learned from working in an adult novelty store that also carried costumes – go online and find the costume(s) you’d like to try, then find a store that carries them and try them on there, once you’ve made up your mind go online to a high end and female friendly intimate accessory website that you’d like to support and see if they carry it. I can almost guarantee 9 times out of 10 they’ll have it for a better price then the shop does.

Packaging

The Miss Diagnosed Costume comes in a translucent plastic bag with all of the accessories separately sealed inside plastic wrap. There’s a thin plastic hook on the bag that makes transportation easy, as well as hanging in a closet when not in use. Since it’s a costume and not a sex toy, there’s nothing on it thats embarrassing, rude or offensive, just the name of the costume, what’s included, the fabric used and care instructions. On that note, I much prefer products that come in bags rather than boxes or on their own, especially since having a bag means you can safely keep all the parts in one place without the worry of them getting lost.

(You can view images of the packaging here)

The Good

The quality offered is something I didn’t quite expect; each piece is stitched together very well, with no visible tears, loose strings or snags and the seams align perfectly, allowing the dress to fit without being lopsided or uneven. Each of the accents (including ribbons, taffeta underskirt, adjustable elastic shoulder straps and ruffled top) are impeccably sewn (even when I pulled as hard as I could there was no chance they would rip and separate).

*The fabric, being 90% polyester and 10% spandex, is very soft to the touch, stretches well and feels exceptionally comfortable.

The shiny and sleek red vinyl belt is likewise well made, being thick, heavy and feeling far superior to a simple accessory used for a costume. The band used in the headpiece is hard plastic and doesn’t have the sharp comb grooves often found in more traditional headbands, allowing it to be worn for a longer period time. The only cheap looking accessory is the stethoscope, but considering it’s only meant for play it’s not that big of a deal.

Sizing 

Maybe it’s just me, but when all there is  to go by is an airbrushed picture of an unnaturally attractive model, imagining what it would look like on the ‘average’ person is a little difficult. Something I find especially true for someone with real boobs (here’s a surprise for you – real big boobs usually sag!), a phat ass and a little roll or two. Fortunately good websites like Shevibe provide various sizing charts, photo’s of plus sized women, and customer support to help making the hunt a little less of a challenge.

Although this hot costume was a tad too big for me (my own fault), I can say it’s relatively ‘true to size’ and something those between a 14 – 18 would be able to wear comfortably, look great in and feel sexy without also feeling totally self conscious.

*Unfortunately I had to slightly take mine in (thanks to my Grandma for teaching me how to sew), but considering it was only a tad too big it was very simple to do.

The Bad

When it came to things I didn’t like there were only 2, though truthfully one was only an issue because of my body shape, the other can be easily fixed.

First, the belt just didn’t work with the outfit because of my body shape. Located on the center of the dress is a seam which the belt is supposed to hide (at least that what it does in the pictures). Unfortunately the belt doesn’t quite sit on the seam, instead sitting slightly higher and often shifting when worn. If I loosen the belt it sits closer to my hips and doesn’t quite shift as much, but that also means it doesn’t cover the seam. Shitty, I know, but it’s my body type. Meh.

Second, the taffeta underskirt (sewn into the seam) is not covered and rubbed on my stomach causing a sore or raw feeling within a few hours of wear. Fortunately this was something that can be easily fixed by simply wearing a tube-top or thin strapped tank top underneath.

Finally, if you have a large chest you *will* need to wear a bra underneath as there is absolutely no support offered with this outfit. And although the straps are adjustable, you may find that they dig into your shoulders a bit because they are fairly thin (something I found wearing a bra actually helped with).
Cleaning & Care

The 90% polyester 10% spandex blend produces an easy-care, wrinkle-free fabric that’s long-wearing and comfortable. It can be washed and dried on regular settings (though I’d suggest using cold water so the red doesn’t ‘bleed’ and low dryer setting). Since the fibers are man-made, the blend does not “breathe” as readily as natural fibers (which may be a great advantage if the night is cold).

Final Verdict

If you’re like me and hate the horrible in-store costume hunting that occurs each Halloween, or if you simply want to purchase something you love without having to try it on in advance, I highly suggest checking out any of the costumes offered at Shevibe. Not only do they have a fantastic variety of lingerie and costumes (no matter your size), they also have amazing customer service to assist in helping you find the perfect size for your body type.

Let’s not forget, Halloween isn’t the only time you can play dress up – it’s just a good excuse.

*For the record, I still think SheVibe has one of the best looking, well laid out and easy to shop websites I’ve ever seen. Their artist has talent to boot! (go check them out, even if it’s just to look around and see how fantastic it is!)

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To my pleasant surprise that position far surpassed my expectations, becoming the first job that made me feel I was making a real contribution to the happiness and well being of others. Even if that well being came in the form of largely criticized and highly judged sexual exploration. When my time within the shop came to an end (due to my personal unwillingness to sell people crap – something the company almost forced us to do) I began creating videos on the topics I was continually asked by customers. After a couple months of making videos and lots of questions about products, I started doing intimate accessory reviews. Fortunately, what I had (and have) to offer has been well received and allowed me to continue doing something I love.

Of course this road hasn’t been an easy one. I’ve fought through censorship, horrible stereo-typing, criticism, false flagging, labeling and bullying. I’ve worked with power hungry companies that wanted to ‘buy’ my opinion and take complete control of my work (I didn’t give in). I’ve had manipulative people say they ‘wanted to help’, only to turn around and say they wanted to own all the rights to my material as a form of payment. I’ve had online accounts suspended, shut down and/or been penalized for the type of topics I cover. I’ve even lost some friends and the support of those that I love. But no matter the struggles I faced or the hell I’ve had to raise, all of the experiences taught me one thing; at the end of the day someone some where will be benefit from what I do, and that’s what matters.

Luckily my experiences haven’t been all bad and I’ve witnessed positive changes within the industry that came in leaps and bounds. What was once a market predominantly filled with harmful jelly dildos, chemical filled lubes and dangerous unflared butt plugs has quickly become one where customer input, reviewer feedback, company accountability, safety and environmental friendliness are major players in the ‘sex toy’ game.

Having said that there are still many things I see wrong within the industry and rather than staying quiet, I’m throwing my opinion into the pot and hoping to force a change. Although I know much of this article will go unheard or acknowledged by the very people it’s meant to reach and impact, it’s something I feel I have to do. With that in mind, I genuinely hope that this brings a new level of awareness to you – the consumer and/or reviewer – and in the process, makes the manufacturers of some of the worst made, horribly packaged, cheapest and faulty products step up their game and take responsibility for what they create and contribute, whether it be a product, stereo type, negative image or otherwise.

*I’m not naming names simply because I think that some (not all) of the products they offer are decent, especially for those on a budget that still want to explore. As for the issue of not wanting to help big business, if there was another way to offer these goods (like them being made by other sources) I’d gladly do so, but unfortunately that’s just not the case in the industry right now. I’d much rather help consumers recognize what’s good and bad, have them spend their money on those items and force the manufacturers to discontinue the shit products simply because they realize they’re not making the money they used to. Having said, that I’m pretty sure many of you (within the industry) will know which companies I’m talking about. If you’re still not sure, check out this Open Letter To The Sex Toy Industry written by the fantastic Dangerous Lilly.

Packaging

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it but the image of near naked men (pic is NSFW) and women followed by cheesy slogans, sexist and sexually explicit wording, dangerous suggestions and cheaply made cardboard boxes never fails to make me wonder just what the hell a company was thinking when they designed it. Not only is this tacky and unprofessional, it’s also ignorant  and rude. Maybe it’s just me but I’d like to think that you wouldn’t need to dumb down your audience to sell them something. Actually, it should be just the opposite; by packaging your product in a way that makes the item look visually appealing, informational and classy, consumers would be more willing to shell out their hard earned money. I’m not just talking luxury items here, I’m talking everything from little bullets to traditional vibes and beyond.

Don’t think it’s a big deal? That’s fine, I’ll elaborate…

If there was one thing that was a constant within the store that I worked it was the look of embarrassment, guilt and shame found on the customers faces when they came to the register ready to make a purchase. For as shy as they may have already been, the vast majority of the time it was those that had picked the poorly packaged products that couldn’t look us in the eye. On many occasions I was actually asked to either remove the packaging and/or provide a double bag to hide it. For an industry filled with such crass and verbally suggestive writing you’d think someone somewhere would have caught on to the fact that it was embarrassing and cut that shit out.

With that in mind, maybe it’s just me but sayings like “tear that ass a new one”, “pump her p*ssy with your thick meat“, “plunge deep into her tight cherry hole“ and “breed him like a good pig“ aren’t the most arousing or mature things I’ve read. In all honesty, they sound like something I’d hear from a 12 year old that’s recently found his Dad’s stash of porn and thinks doing what he sees and using wording found within the pages will make him sound cool to his friends. Of course that’s before he matures and realizes that it’s mostly sexist, rude and ignorant (stereotype intended – bashing of most pornography not intended).

Whether manufactures or consumers realize, it’s this irresponsible and thoughtless packaging that’s part of the reason intimate accessories are treated like ‘toys’ to giggle at rather than the sexual wellness products they are. Every time sexist, immature or tacky slogans are used they work toward maintaining the stereotype that intimate accessories aren’t meant to be treated legitimately and instead support the idea that they are ‘gag’ gifts only meant for bachelorette parties, stags and birthdays – rather than tools to help a person learn about their body, develop a healthy level of confidence and become comfortable in their own skin.

Having said that, I do realize that because of international shipping laws, along with differing governmental standards, products must be called ‘novelties’ in order for production and distribution to exist. However, that doesn’t mean that words and sayings like “ram his tight little a**hole“ also need to be used. In fact, many of the high end products being created by companies like Lelo, Tantus, Fun Factory and JimmyJane (to name a few) contain the word ‘novelty’ yet also refrain from being tacky and cheesy. If you ask me, more companies need to follow their lead.

*Yes, I do know that there is a market for these items. Yes, I also know that those who are into that sort of thing should be allowed to buy the products without repercussion or judgement. Let me make myself clear, so long as it’s consenting adults I don’t give a rats ass what anyone does. My issue is with the packaging, not the consumers or their use of said items.

Potential Harm

Whether it’s harmful jelly materials, chemical  filled lube, Nonoxynel-9 or unsafely made and mislabeled products, when it comes to the marketing and manufacturing of intimate accessories there are many problems that exist with the industry. Unfortunately this is still a  ‘taboo’ subject for many people and as such very little information is offered regarding the safety issues of these items, leaving consumers to make their purchases completely unaware of the damage they may be doing to their body and the horrible cycle they’re allowing to continue.

In an attempt to help raise your level of awareness I’m going to offer a little info on a few of the above issues, maybe after reading them you’ll think twice before you make your next purchase.

Although they are one of the top selling items when it comes to sex toys, Jelly products are quite possibly some of the worst on the market and since manufacturers won’t provide the exact ingredients of their various mixes, it’s hard to know what they’re really made of. One thing is for sure, they do contain phthalates, a harmful chemical that has been identified as a potential health concern. Aside from that they’re porous, very porous, absorbing bodily fluids, lube and bacteria rather easily. Unfortunately they also can’t be disinfected so whatever you use with them, stays with them. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, they’re the least durable of the soft rubber products on the market and often have an uneven surface that will fall apart (flaking and tearing are common) over time. Now, does this really sound like something you want to not only spend your money on, but also put in your body? Think about it. Seriously.

Nonoxynel-9, commonly known as spermicide or N9, is in my opinion one of the more misunderstood chemicals out there. Originally it was thought that the chemical could kill sperm and thus reduce the possibility of transmitting an STD or an unplanned pregnancy. However about 10 years ago it was discovered that it actually INCREASES the chances of contracting infections like HIV by creating lesions on the layers of skin cells in the vagina or rectum walls, which can potentially facilitate infection. Not only that but there are other downfalls or potential dangers to using N9: it offers no protection against sexually transmitted infections such as gonorrhea or chlamydia, if used regularly N9 can increase a womans chances of contracting Bacterial Vaginosis as well as yeast infections, there have been reports of vaginal bleeding after intercourse as well as increased chances of vaginal dryness or itching due to misuse. Again I ask, do you really want to put that in your body?

Last but not least are the many mislabeled and potentially dangerous products being manufactured. I’m just going to spell this one out point blank so there is no misunderstanding: if it doesn’t have a flared base don’t put it in your butt (that includes random objects, fruit and vegetables), if it looks like it’s unsafe trust your gut (it probably is), if it looks like it’s cheap and might hurt/fall apart it probably will, if it has a bunch of chemicals in it that you can’t pronounce and sound bad don’t use it (unless you’re willing to look them up and learn what you’re getting into). Simply put, think about what you’re really buying and don’t just fall into the trap the label wants to you believe. You’re smarter than that.

Effecting a Change

As I said in the beginning of this post I left my job due to the inability and unwillingness to sell people crap. No matter how hard I tried to justify it or  the commission I stood to make, I couldn’t bring myself to suggest something that may do someone harm. Fortunately I’m still of that mindset and work hard to avoid lower quality products when possible, instead opting to offer an item that gives you more bang for your buck. Even regarding the lesser priced items. It’s not about money to me, it’s about your sexual exploration, enjoyment and safety.

Of course this choice has another benefit that many don’t realize; in offering the best of the best I’m doing my part to raise the level of standards within the industry and teaching people what to look for, the companies to support and things they need to avoid.

If you’d like to continue to see changes within the industry, ones that will hopefully impact both resellers and manufacturers, forcing them to be accountable for their packaging, products and the message they send, I have a few suggestions to help you make your voice heard:

1.) Vote with your dollar. Sure it sounds cheesy, but being that they all want your money you have a bigger say in what they continue to create than you probably think. If you see something that has offensive, tacky or unappealing packaging, don’t buy it. If you see a jelly toy, don’t buy it. If you see a misleading label, don’t buy it. If you have money to spend and are looking for somewhere to shop, pick the retailers that are in line with what you believe in like Babeland, Early To Bed, She Bop, Good Vibrations, My Tickle Spot, SheVibe and Eden Fantasys  to name a few.

2.) Learn all you can about the sex toy industry, what products are made of and the different options available. If you read the ingredients in something before you eat it/buy it, take the same time to be aware of what your sticking in your other orifices. Being educated gives you the power to make well informed decisions.

3.) Be a voice of change by writing to big name manufacturers and asking what they’re doing to improve their products, make the company sustainable, what their over seas factory standards are like and if they’re treating environment the way it deserves. Ask your local sex toy shops the same questions.  Raise some eye brows and force the issues.  Voice your opinion and don’t be afraid to offer your input. Changes have happened because people made them happen.  Not from staying silent.

4.) Teach others and spread your message. Whether it’s starting a blog, doing reviews, making videos,  talking to friends about what you know, speaking up in social media, be it twitter, facebook or otherwise there are a lot of options available for you to reach a larger audience. Sure it’s sex related which may be awkward and weird (depending on your lifestyle, level of involvement)  but if you’ve read this you likely have something they don’t – knowledge about intimate accessories that could make things better.

5.) If you are a retailer/reseller, be it an online shop or brick and mortar store, pay attention to what you’re buying and only stock those you know are safe (both in regard to design and materials). Provide an area in the store that offers educational material for your customers or better yet, offer seminars for those that want to learn more.  Teach your staff about materials and help them learn how to sell, it’s not only good for them and the customers, it’s just good business. Sponsor events that are in line with what you do and get your name out there. Write to your local papers and let them know your mission, for all you know this might be news to them and provide you with a interview opportunity. Offer affiliate or review programs so that people like me can get their hands on products from companies they want to support and make a small living at it.

While long, I really do hope this open letter helped some of you to see the industry for what it is and allowed you the information you need to go on your ways making responsible and informed decisions. At the end of the day this isn’t just about me or you, this is about change as a whole. About telling the big name corporations that we just won’t take it anymore. That we know better and expect better from them. Because that’s what we deserve.

Signed,

Me.

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To be honest, when I first saw them I thought it was a prank. Something akin to an bad April Fools joke or an episode of Punk’d gone awry. Alas, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Each and every one of these terrifying looking vaginas and penis’s is real, crafted out of Fleshlights patented SuperSkin material or platinum cured silicone no less.  Of course I’m not one to judge, hell, I’ve spent a night or two fantasizing about what Jacob’s werewolf dong might look like should he happen upon me like a bitch in heat, but there’s just something about these that makes me wonder if the hype is all it’s cracked up to be. They’re stunning, I’m not arguing that, it’s the functionality that I find myself questioning.

*For the record, I think the details on the Cyber Dildo and the labia on the Drac Fleshlight are to die for! Furthermore,  if companies like Bad Dragon, Whipspider Rubber Works and Divine Interventions can do it, who’s to say Fleshlight cant?

As I’ve said in previous posts regarding male sex toys – I don’t have a penis so I can’t judge the Vag’s for myself (though I’d love to hear from those that have done these gnarly beasts), and from what I can gather on the website the dicks are for ‘external purposes only’ (I’m assuming that’s a legal thing and not legit). So, for those of you that are into this sort of thing, be it dark and sinister role-play or just a basic curiosity about sex with something from the beyond, this one goes out to you. May your fantasies be fulfilled and your wet-nightmares a thing of the past.

*I’ve taken the quotes from the website since I don’t have the products in my hand to make a proper description…and also because they’re far more entertaining then anything I could write. Copy and paste for the win! #fail

Zombie Fleshlight and Dildo

“Dead Nights Now Living”

“You must be warned. While fucking your brains out is usually the goal at hand, these creatures of the walking dead are in dire hunger. Have a necromantic night in the degrading skin of the Zombie Fleshlight or question yourself with the lifeless, yet vibrant deteriorating cock of the living dead.”

Fleshlight: “Fucking your brains out may not be the best idea, but how could you resist? Made with Fleshlight’s patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, your dead nights will now always be living.“

Dildo: “This zombie wants your brains, and the only way to get them is to fuck them out of you! Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you better aim for the head.“

Alien Fleshlight & Dildo

“Reports Confirmed!”

“For years the government has been trying to keep UFOs and the existence of extraterrestrial life an eyes-only secret. Now, Fleshlight is making the secret public in the most private of ways. Take a journey into an interstellar vortex of pleasure in the Alien Fleshlight, or welcome a probing by abducting the Alien’s cosmic cock.“

Fleshlight: “For years, increasing accounts of an Unidentified Fucking Object have been reported by mystified Fleshlight fans with little or no substantiating evidence. The denial of the existence of this object has driven the scandal to levels of near hysteria. Finally, after publicly rebuffing the existence of exxxtra-terrestrial fuckery, the once top-secret “Alien” is now being made available to the public from Fleshlight, the maker of the #1 selling sex toy for men“

Dildo: “What took light-years to arrive is now ready to be abducted in your deepest of spaces.  Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®. You will cum-firm, not deny, its massive existence.”

Frankenstein Fleshlight and Dildo

“It’s Alive!”

“Born from the experiments of Fleshlight’s maddest of sex toy scientists comes a collection of the abhorred monster. Feel the scary pleasures of the stitched Frankenvag and witness a massive Frankencock of monstrous proportions.”

Fleshlight: “You will scream “It’s Alive!” when you experience the feeling of this abhorred monster. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you are sure to have an electrifying night.”

Dildo: “There is only one monster this massive creation can belong to. Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you can now have what they say brought his wife to life.“

Drac Fleshlight and Dildo

“I Want To Suck Your…”

“Beware of the alluring aesthetics of the Drac that Fleshlight has created or you may soon find yourself missing your most precious of fluids. Take a flight on the dark side in the winged Fleshlight, or get staked by the centuries old cock from the walker of the night.”

Fleshlight: “Take a flight on the dark side and have a fling in the wings. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you can now have what the realm of the living has been missing for centuries.”

Dildo: “It’s your turn to get staked by the blood sucking nightwalker. Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you can have the centuries old famous cock.”

Cyborg Fleshlight and Dildo

“Artificial Intercourse”

“Technology is progressing and it was only a matter of time before Fleshlight was able to create the most breathtaking of bionic experiences. Upload your cock into the intelligent design of the Cyborg Fleshlight, or experience the impressive organ of enhanced technological abilities with the Cyborg cock.”

Cyborg Fleshlight: “Get turned on by a bionic experience with the #1 selling product in Artificial Intercourse. Made with Fleshlight’s® patented SuperSkin material in stunning detail, you can now take your cock on a journey through the ejaculation super highway.”

Cyborg Dildo: “Breathtaking bionic experiences await you with this creation of artificial intercourse. Made with healthcare-grade, platinum cured silicone in extreme detail by Fleshlight®, you can now have an impressive organ of enhanced technological abilities.”

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Thanks to the wonderful folks at Babeland this pretty little dildo was in my hands in less than a week, shipped discreetly no less, and was definitely something worth waiting for. For a ‘collector’ like me I can honestly say my tickle trunk has found one of its missing pieces.

*The reason it looks exactly like my fave dildo is because it was made by the same manufacturer, Fun Factory, with the rainbow version being specifically made for Babeland (in limited numbers) – which is why it’s the only place you can currently get it.

Packaging

This amazing and beautifully colored dildo comes packaged in the ‘standard’ Fun Factory easily recycled box, with nothing on it that’s rude offensive, inappropriate or tacky. A see-through window allows you to view the product, while the outer external box is silver and red, displays a basic diagram of the product with it’s benefits and features on one side and a written description listed in 4 languages on the opposite. It’s simple, easy to understand and with the exception of the words ‘dildo’ and ‘g-spot’ has nothing sexually explicit on it.

The Goods

While there are many reasons to love it – it’s crafted from 100% medical grade silicone, shaped to be comfortable, and has a flared base for various uses – the main one is obviously the rainbow coloring. Fortunately in person it’s just as fantastic as the pictures online show, being bright, bold, impressive and exceptionally well delivered; each color is clearly defined with no ‘bleeding’ or gradient flow into the next.

As for the texture, the high quality silicone is very smooth, has a matte finish, is somewhat squishy and offers a bit of give while also maintaining a firmness that’s flexible and exceptionally comfortable. The base is likewise flexible but firm, allowing it to be compatible with most strap-on harnesses or used anally without the possibility of being lost inside you. While it does have a slight bit of drag on the skin it’s not something a little bit of good water based lube wouldn’t fix.

*even though I was afraid of being disappointed I inflicted the ‘flame test’, to which it thankfully passed. High quality silicone for the win!

Design wise it’s semi realistic and resembles a smoothed-out erect penis (think of the posterize effect in photoshop). The rounded and slightly pointed tip makes insertion easy and the short shaft with a gentle curve provides a small amount of g-spot stimulation during thrusting. While the curve isn’t much to write home about, it’s far better than a straight design that offers little to no contact with the g-spot. Regarding the stats you’re looking a length of 5 1/2 inches and a girth of around 5 inches (by my own measurements) and a width of 1 1/2 inches, that in mind, I think anyone could use it and not be intimidated or overwhelmed. If g-spot stimulation or thrusting isn’t quite your thing, instead preferring the ‘fullness’ dildo’s provide, this is a pretty good one and should fulfill that desire.

*Just keep in mind that although extremely amazing, you may need something else – be it a clitoral vibe, fingers or the tongue of a partner to help you reach a climax, especially when you take into consideration that over 70% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. If that sounds like you, don’t worry, you’re clearly not alone.

Care And Cleaning

Because the Rainbow Amor Dildo is made of a high quality silicone it can be easily cleaned using soap, water and a good rinsing.  As for lubes I’d only suggest a good water based lube, and if you have issues with reoccurring yeast infections, one that’s sugar and/or glycerin free would be a good idea.

*Since it’s made of medical grade silicone it won’t absorb bodily fluids, lube or bacteria and therefore doesn’t require the heavy cleaning other product my need.

The Bad

Fortunately there really isn’t much for me to complain about, sure the drag on the skin is a little annoying (lube fixes the problem nicely) and it kind of attracts lint (not nearly as bad as many others), but that’s really the only issues I found. Both of which really aren’t that big of a deal.

Final Verdict

I don’t really know what I can write here that I haven’t already said. From the moment I got it I loved it and having now ‘sampled the goods’ I find myself loving it even more,  especially since it has everything – and I do mean everything – I look for: it’s made of high quality silicone, is easy to insert (with the help of a little lube), is the perfect length and girth for my body, is seamless, can be used with a harness, has a bit of give making it exceptionally comfortable, is easy to care for and clean, and best of all…comes in a rainbow!!

If you’re looking for a fantastic, body safe dildo that’s quite possibly one of the only rainbow versions on the market, look no further, you’ve hit the motherload! If you’d prefer the same high quality product, minus the rainbow (that’s just crazy talk!!), the dildo also comes in a pink and black version, or the larger Magnum with a total length of 7 inches. No matter what you decide I’m pretty sure you’ll be just as impressed as I am with mine.

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I’ve been wanting to lean about my body and hoping to get my hands on a sex toy but I’m too embarrassed to go shopping for one and I don’t want to get one when I don’t know what I like or need. What can you suggest from around the house that I could use to learn about my body?

Curious Girl

Answer

Hello Curious Girl,

Personally I don’t really support the use of  ”household items”  for masturbation as they could be potentially dangerous on many levels, especially for those that aren’t aware of what they’re doing and just think cramming something inside them is what it’s all about. That said, I know many of my viewers use them since they can’t afford, are too embarrassed, too young or are physically unable to buy a proper intimate accessory.

In an attempt to help you practice safer sex and avoid doing any harm, here are some tips and a list of things I think would be okay for use to masturbate with:

Tips

• First and foremost always make sure that the product you are going to use is clean and in proper working order ~ i.e. no deep scratches, broken parts, jagged edges, wobbly pieces, has no smell or caked on dirt, missing parts etc.
• Always use a condom to help minimize the transfer of bacteria.
• Try to find products that won’t accidentally pinch, poke, jab, cut or scrape you.
• When using them make to use a compatible lubricant to minimize friction and avoid any possible tearing.
• Do not use random vegetables as the they can cause a bacterial or yeast infection. Only use ones that are soft, pliable and have a very smooth surface like a Cucumber – again, make sure to use a condom.
• Do not use things like Pens, Pencils or markers as they could “leak” the ink/dye into your vagina or stab you with the sharp writing end.
• Do not use anything made of glass unless it is specifically designed for that type of use. YES ~ They can break and that is EXTREMELY dangerous!  (don’t believe me, just look up “One Man One Jar” – horrifying!!)
• I really shouldn’t have to write this but I’m going to anyways – PETS ARE NOT SEX TOYS!! Don’t, just don’t.

Items For Use – Female

• Toothbrush Handle for insertion (gentle or soft bristles for clitoral stimulation)
• Brush Handle (try to avoid ones with seams)
• Personal Massager for clitoral stimulation
• Massaging Shower Head while bathing
• Running water from the bathtub ( just lie on your back and let the water run over the vulva and clitoris)
• The vibration of a cell phone or gaming controller for clitoral stimulation
• The Washing Machine while it’s on the “spin” cycle. You can sit on it or press your clitoris up against the corner for stimulation.
• Long tapered candles (just make sure to put a condom on it)

Items For Use – Male

• Carved out fruit or vegetables (avoid highly acidic fruits as it could irritate the urethral opening at the tip of the penis)
• Toilet paper roll with a condom inside (just make sure to leave room for growth – although you can cut it off, I’m sure you don’t want to deal with paper cuts)
• Couch cushions, mattress folds, pillows (put a condom on, sandwich you penis between the objects and go)
• You can make a pocket pussy out of various objects (simple instructions here, you can find more via Google)
• Bubble wrap, considering all the different types available the options are almost endless.
• Large plastic cup filled with pudding, jello etc (again, put a condom on as it’s rather messy)
• Line a plastic cup with two thick kitchen sponges add some lube and you’re good to go.
• Socks (experiment with different textures, thicknesses and lengths.

That’s pretty much all I can suggest for now, hopefully it helped in some way.

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For those of you not in the know, Dental Dams are thin, square or rectangular pieces of latex that are placed over the vulva/vagina during oral-vaginal play (cunnilingus) or anus during 0ral-anal play (rimming) and act as a barrier to vaginal and anal secretions that may contain bacteria and viruses.  For the most part they’re reliable, somewhat stretchy and surprisingly strong, allowing the receiver to experience stimulation while also remaining protected from the possible transmission of STD’s.

*Although the majority of the ones found in stores are made of latex, there are also ones made of silicone for those with a latex allergy.

Alternatives

If you’re unable to find dental dams in your area and/or don’t feel safe shopping online keep in mind that there are other options available:  plastic saran wrap from your kitchen can serve as an effective dental dam, condoms work well too – simply cut off the tip, cut down the side and spread the condom using your hands over the exposed area (you’ll also have quite a few more flavor options if you use flavored condoms).

The Bad

They may limit sensation, feel a little foreign, not stay in place very well or not be long/wide enough for the exposed area.  If you find that the dam tends to slip around, you might want to look at investing in a Dental Dam Harness.

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First I just want to say that I love your youtube videos, they are so informational.

I would appreciate if you could help me with a dilemma. I recently saw a picture of my boyfriend on a website that I would consider to be a gay site. It’s primarily for people who are attracted to transsexual people. Most of the people on the site are pre-op which means they still have dicks, which makes me even more concerned. I have absolutely no idea if he has ever been with someone like this or if this is just a fantasy but even if it is just a fantasy, I’m concerned.

I don’t know how to bring this to his attention but I know I need to because I’m worried and he could be putting me in danger of getting something. How do I let him know or ask him if he is living a double life or is on the downlow? We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years and it would hurt my heart to know that he is like this. He has never shown signs of being interested in men in any way. As a matter of fact he always talks and acts as if he’s damn near homophobic. I appreciate your help!

Answer:

First off thanks for watching and supporting what I do!

As for the question…I too have been there.

When I was in high school I was in a relationship with someone that I loved very much. We were very close, not only lovers but best friends, we were together all the time and thought one day we would get married…typical high school sweethearts.

One day I found his journal and read it (which I know was wrong of me) and in doing so found a phone number and beneath it a males name and a code. Out of curiousity and trusting my instincts, I called it. The number was for a chat line called “Manline“, where males can talk with other males (I’m sure you know what I’m getting at). I was shocked, sad, angry, hurt and disappointed. You name it, I felt it.

So after a few days of tormenting myself I confronted him. He denied it. I asked him again and told him that I already knew what was going on so he better be honest. He still denied it, not only that but got very angry with me for invading his personal space and privacy. Looking back, and knowing him as well as I did, I can completely understand why he’d be upset. And in truth, it wasn’t so much that he was interested in men that hurt, it was that he had lied to my face without a thought towards my feelings.

I made a decision based on the information I had to end the relationship. I didn’t want to chance “catching” something nor did I want to be lied to. I also wasn’t sure if I could trust him again, if he was able to lie once, what was to say that he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it again. It broke my heart, but I felt it was in my own best interest.

Of course my situation isn’t your situation, so what I have to offer is this; before you make up your mind make certain it is him and not someone that looks like him, sounds like him or writes like him. How you do that is your choice, but I do think it’s important. If you’ve done your research and are sure it’s him, bring it up with him in a gentle and respectful way (I find asking rather than confronting can make a big difference in how people react). Let him know that you are not judging, but that you need to know for your own safety and security.  I’d also suggest taking some time to figure out if he’s someone that you want to continue having in your life if it is true – just because he may be attracted to men or transexuals doesn’t men he’s a  bad person or that he’s not the same person you once loved.

Be prepared for him to deny it, to lie, to try to cover it up to get mad at you, at himself, to yell, or cry, or start a fight. If it is infact him, you may be putting him in a situation that he is personally not yet ready to face or deal with. He might not even know himself “what” he is or “who” he is, and this might be part of his experimentation or exploration to find out. Please also keep in mind that as this may be his way of experimenting…it might also be something that will pass in time. However, this was never meant for your eyes. Only his.

In my situation there was a long period of time afterward where we did not talk. We were always aware of how each other was, either through friends or the ‘scene’ we both frequented, but for the most part there was no face to face contact.  After about a year of absence from each others lives we talked on the phone, it was an emotional, eye opening and healing conversation where he admitted everything and told me that he was gay, that he had been all along but didn’t want to come out for fear of how people would react. He was a sensitive person and the thought of people rejecting or abandoning him terrified him, rather than coming out he just kept quiet.  Up until his passing over a year ago we were still in each others lives, often having short periods of distance followed by intense periods of catching up and being inseparable. Regardless of our past, until the day he died there was love. Lots of love…and also lots of forgiveness.

Unfortunately I cannot say that you will have your own “happy ending”, that the pain, frustration and confusion you’re experiencing will all be for nothing. I don’t know you and I don’t know him, so my opinion is just that – an opinion. I can however suggest that maybe this isn’t something personal about or against you…but instead, a part of who he is and needs to learn about so that he can within himself become “whole”.

Be gentle with your approach, loving with your words and try to remember that we all, on every level, deserve to be treated with respect and decency no matter what our sexual “choice” in life is. That being said, I have lived my life by one very true motto that spoke volumes to me when I was younger and questioning the “wrongness” or “rightness” of my own sexuality:

A hand is a hand,
A touch is a touch,
Love is Love.
And Love cannot be denied.

I wish you the best of luck and truly hope that whatever happens you’ll be able to remain respectful and understanding regarding each others feelings. I wish there was a clear cut answer to this kind of situation, unfortunately there isn’t and we just have to make up the road as we go.

Kara_Sutra

p.s I would also like to state that in my opinion, when it comes to being homosexual, transexual etc…there is no right or wrong.  The statment that it is a persons “choice” has no relevance to me.  You are who you are and that can’t be ignored or denied.  Nor should it be.

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As you all know I’m a big supporter of safe sex,  you know, the kind that leaves you free of worries about an unplanned pregnancy or possible transmission of an STD. That said I hope this post will give you further insight to the options available and help you possibly find a method of protection thats right for you.

What are Female Condoms?

Female Condoms are quite simply put, condoms designed to be worn by women.  They’re a soft, loose-fitting plastic pouch with a soft ring at each end that internally lines the vagina, offering a barrier method of production during intercourse (though I don’t really suggest it they can also be used anally). The flexible ring at the closed end is used to put the device inside the vagina and holds it in place, while also blocking the opening to the cervix. The other ring stays outside the vagina and partly covers the vulva.

They often come lubricated and are made from polyurethane or nitrile, which means that they’re 40% stronger than latex condoms. As an added bonus, polyurethane transfers heat readily which will allow the user to feel their partner on a new level if all they’ve previously used is latex condoms.

Unlike the traditional male condom, the female condom gives women the control they need when it comes to applying and removing the product, they also have the advantage of not requiring a man to maintain an erection during use to keep it in place.  In a world where how we interact and safer sex practices are constantly changing, the female condom is a valuable option for women who want to prevent sexually transmitted infection or unintended pregnancy.

The Bad

Unfortunately the female condom does have its drawbacks; for starters it’s rather large and bulky, can often be heard during intercourse (a ‘crinkling’ noise that can be distracting), has a tendency to shift around during use (which may require repositioning it), is higher in price compared to male condoms and isn’t the easiest product to apply/insert or remove.

Aside from that, because the outer ring sits outside the vaginal opening, some females may feel self-conscious about the appearance. Just keep in mind that male condoms can also be seen externally and with the various types available, be it ribbed, colored or otherwise, they certainly can make a penis look pretty funny – balances out the score a bit if you ask me.

Because of the above issues, I highly suggest practicing inserting and removing the product before attempting to use it with a partner. Not only will this hopefully make the process quicker and easier with time, but it will also allow you to feel confident and prepared when the moment arises.

Failure rate

The typical use of female condoms, which is the average way most people use them, has a failure rate of 21%. This means that 21 people out of every 100 will become pregnant during the first year of use.

Issues often found with ‘typical’ use:

• Incorrect insertion or removal
• Use of a non-compatible lubricant which can weaken the condom and cause it to break
• Not checking that the product remained in place during intercourse
• Re-using the condom (which is not suggested)
• Using an expired condom (always check the expiration date)

With perfect use, which is what should be the aim, the percent drops dramatically to 5%. So 5 out of 100 will become pregnant with perfect use

Steps for perfect use can be found below

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What I just described is something I am very often asked about from males world wide. As such I have created this page to help you discover the different brands available, offer some suggestions, and hopefully help you find the perfect size condom for you.

Average Condom

Average condoms are the condoms you’ll find in pretty much every drug store, online sexual wellness shop, gas station, dispenser or pharmacy. Many of them will be referred to as “original” by the company that makes them and have limited added features like ribbing, special lubricants or otherwise.

Unless specified on the box you can pretty much count that the vast majority of condoms are “average condoms” and therefore fall within 7 – 7.9 inches in length.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

Average Condom Sizes

Head Width: 2″
Shaft width: 2″
Base Width: 2″
Length: 7  - 7.9″
Thickness: 0.0027″
Lubrication: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: None unless you purchase those with specific features like ribbing, textures, warming/cooling lubricant etc.

Snugger Fit

For those of you that aren’t very big in the girth department  ”Snugger” or tighter fitting condoms might be exactly what you’re looking for. As you’d likely assume, they’re slightly smaller in circumference then the average condom and tend to be great if you often find that ‘regular’ or ‘average’ condoms sometimes slip off due to being too large or overly bulky.

If you’ve hesitated trying this type of condom due to the fact that you don’t like your penis to feel ‘suffocated’ not to worry, the head of these condoms is usually the same as ‘average’ condoms, with the body being thinner to fit more comfortably.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

Snugger Fit Condom Sizes

Head Width: 2″
Shaft Width: 1.75″
Base Width: 1.75″
Length: 7″
Thickness: 0.0027″
Lubrication: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: Thinner body

Extra Head Room/ More Room At The Top

For the males out there that have complaints about the average condom being “suffocating” or “too tight” condoms that offer more ‘head room’ are a great choice. Not only do they allow the male wearing them a bit more room to maneuver without the worry of possibly breaking the condom, they also offer added stimulation to the female partner as they often rub against the g-spot or walls of the vagina.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

Extra Head Room Condom Sizes

Head Width: 2.75″
Shaft Width: 2″
Base Width: 2″
Length: 7.25″
Thickness: 0.0027″
Lubrication: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: Larger/ wider tip to allow more room for the head of the penis.

Extra Large/Magnum Condoms

Although the average penis size is between 4 – 5.5″ inches in length, there are males out there who require a larger condom. As such the condoms in this category are larger sized in both girth and length. If average condoms leave you feeling constricted, these large condoms are what you are looking for.

If you find that ‘larger’ sized condoms don’t seem to be big enough, as a last resort I suggest trying some of the extra large condoms like Trojan Magnum,  Durex XXL or LifeStyles Kyng. Just keep in mind that if you’re not really in need of larger condoms it’s best that you don’t use them as there is a likely chance they’ll fall off or possibly shift during use.

*Because these condoms are made of latex I’m going to highly suggest you avoid oil based lubricant’s as they’ll likely ruin the condom.

Extra Large/Magnum Condom Sizes

Head width 2.5″
Shaft width 2.25″
Base width 2″
Length 8 – 9.5″
Thickness 0.0025″
Lubricant: Water Based/Silicone/Spermicidal
Special Features: Larger over all body with a tapered base to allow the condom to stay put.

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I got into a relationship almost a year ago (I’m now 18) and I just realized that I have a really big naughty side to me and am starting to show it. I don’t know why but just texting can sometimes get me excited and arouse me. He likes it and so do I, but people are making me feel like I’m a slut because of the way I am starting to act towards him which is making me feel bad about myself.

Is what I’m feeling normal? Am I really just a “slut”? Please help, I’m so confused!

Just Another Confused Teen

Answer

Dear JACT ,

Simply put – you’re normal! What you’re going through is very common and to be expected at your age. There is nothing wrong with you and it’s not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

What you’re experiencing is a natural part of puberty and something most teens experience between the ages of *10-17 for girls and *12-18 for boys. This change in sexual awareness and arousal is due to changes in hormones that shift the body from childhood to being capable of reproduction.

*I use those numbers because they are what is commonly defined as a “teen”

This is a time that should be embraced as an opportunity for you to learn about your body, what you’re feeling sexually and why, rather then spent worrying what other people think. That said, in regard to those who are calling you a “slut” or making you “feel like one”, I suggest that you ignore them and learn to be gentler, kinder and more accepting of yourself and your new found breach into womanhood.

In an effort to avoid further name calling I suggest that you keep your private life separate from those who feel the need to pass judgment. Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing or saying to him. That’s between you and he and no one else. If it is something that you would like to share, only do so with those that you feel comfortable with, trust and know wont have any negative feedback.

Also keep in mind that if they haven’t yet, those who have been making you “feel like a slut” will soon discover that they too are experiencing sexual feelings towards others and like you, may not know whats going on or how to deal with it.

Hope that helped,
Kara_Sutra

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Hi Kara, I just wanted to say that I love your videos and the new website! I have a question of my own that I don’t see anywhere so I figured I’d just send it in a message. My boyfriend and I have had sex before, we always use condoms but sometimes I get a rash or sore after. We’ve ruled most things out, however we were wondering if there were such things as non latex condoms and where we could get them?

I’d really appreciate an answer, even a video! Thanx in advance

Wondering in Wisconsin

Answer

Dear Wondering in Wisconsin,

Thanks for watching and supporting what I do!

There are condoms made out of materials other than latex but they tend to be pretty pricey. Having said that, if you’re on a budget and aren’t allergic to latex (as ruled out by a doctor), I’m going to suggest that you opt for less expensive latex condoms that come in larger quantities so you always have some on hand when the mood strikes. On that note, I suggest having your doctor test you for a latex allergy, just to be sure.

I’m also going to suggest seeing your doctor if after every time you have sex you break out in a rash. It might not be an allergy, but instead an STD. It’s nothing to be embarrassed or worried about, many healthy, happy, smart and loving individuals get STD’s.

As for the different types of condoms, should you decide to try them;

Lamb skin:

Trojan’s Naturalamb is one of the last remaining brands widely available. Some people who use them rave about their comfort, while others complain that there is a distinct farm-like smell to them. The most important thing to know about natural membrane condoms is that they do not provide protection from STDs — they are only effective as a barrier for contraception. Other than that they also tend to be far more expensive then the other non-latex condoms on the market.  While I don’t think I need to say this I’m going to – if you’re a vegan or vegetarian you probably won’t want to try them for obvious reasons.

Polyisoprene:

For people with latex allergies, SKYN condoms are an amazing breakthrough and, thankfully, a much more affordable option when it comes to offering protection against an unplanned pregnancy and STDs, including HIV. The feel of SKYN is noticeably different and much thinner than latex condoms. SKYN is made from a synthetic material called polyisoprene which is stretchy and form fitting unlike polyurethane condoms. SKYN condoms are not as thin as polyurethane condoms, but in most cases they will fit better.

Polyurethane:

Polyurethane condoms are made of the same material the female condom is made from and are thought to provide protection against both pregnancy and STDs. Trojan Supra condoms are much thinner than standard latex condoms, and they are also made a bit larger (unlike latex, polyurethane doesn’t stretch, so the larger size is in part to prevent breakage). Another stated benefit of polyurethane is that it transmits heat better than latex, thus enhancing sensitivity.

Hope that helped and provided you with some of the options available, while also offering some info on each so you can find one that best suits your needs.

Kara_Sutra

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After reviewing This Ain’t Avatar XXX I was pretty sure porn couldn’t get that much worse, especially considering it had everything bad porn should; poorly painted blue people (who’s genitalia weren’t painted might I add), tacky music, horrible cut-to scenes, cheesy dialogue, a lack of sexual chemistry between performers, a plot that made little sense and a terrible 3D option that was migraine inducing. Basically put – it was bad, real bad.

When I saw Zazel: The Scent Of Love, a 2008 movie that had previously won 7 AVN awards, being offered for review on Eden Fantasys I quickly scooped it up. Unfortunately to my shock, horror and surprise it was just as bad as This Ain’t Avatar, dare I say on some levels – possibly even worse?.

Side Note: They fail to mention the awards were won back in 1998 when the movie was originally released, not in 2008 when it was re-released. What can I say, it’s false advertising at its best! It did win a 2009 AVN award for “Best Classic Release” though.

Plot

When it came to the plot there really wasn’t much, if anything, to go on: a woman (“Zazel”, played by Sasha Vinni) receives a call from a nameless man informing her that the proposal to create “the most arousing perfume ever” has gotten the go ahead. Zazel then sets out to find the perfect ingredients which include “Lust” (Hell), “Sensuality” (Heaven), “Pleasure” (Desire) and “Enchantment” (Mystic). From there the film bounces around from scene to scene with her having sordid love affairs with exotic flowers, randomly wandering around in a garden, painting, airbrushing, drawing and daydreaming about various sexual explorations. Pretty run of the mill for porn these days.

Scene Breakdown

*random excerpts from our conversation while watching have been included

The film begins with Zazel feverishly drawing a Coy fish by a pond, which eventually turns into a “Blue Siren” resembling one of those damn Avatars who swims, plays and dances in the water (make shift pool is more like it) in front of a yellow tarp (wtf that was about I have no clue) and  eventually leads to a cunnilingus scene with a “Water Nymph” (played by Grace Harlow), who might I add wears some seriously fun white zipper crotched panties.

*For the record, it was a far better paint job then the one we found in Avatar.

Jamie: “You promised me this would be nothing like that stupid Avatar movie! WHY IS THAT LADY PAINTED BLUE??!!”
Me: “Imagine getting one of your labia caught in that mess ~ ouch!”
Jamie: *at the sight of the fun white zipper panties* “It’s like she over stayed her welcome from the cock rock era”

The painting of a beautiful flower behind a white frame that begins to contract and move, quickly making it apparent that the artwork has been done on a woman’s genitals and lower portion of her body (inner thigh etc).

Me: “wow, that’s some amazing artwork…hey, wait a minute, is that a…oh my God, that’s a coochie!”
Jamie: “why the hell does she keep poking at it? Even I know better than to do that!”

• Sasha Vinni shaving a woman’s (Lene Hefner) pubic hair with an old style gold razor so that an artist (Devin Deray) can tattoo a flower on her vulva…which obviously leads to the three of them having sex.

Me: “yeah, because after I’ve had someone inflict 1000 needle jabs to my cooch the first thing I want to do is get laid”
Jamie: “aren’t you supposed to put a bandage on a tattoo after you get one?  How are they going to bandage that?’
Me: “I don’t know, a diaper maybe?”
Jamie: “Jesus honey, she didn’t shit herself!”
*I proceed to burst out laughing so hard he has to stop the film

Next up is Sasha Vinni (again…) painted like a tiger with her hair in cornrows, writhing and crawling around a random jungle. This entire scene goes back and forth between her being a “tiger” – complete with ‘rawring’ – and a faceless woman’s ass painted like a tiger having sex with a man. *Totally random, not at all hot, very cool body paint work. Image of the tiger ass here - link. **Sweet tiger poster here.

Zazel has more random sex with flowers. *Booooooring!

Three women (Sasha Vinni, Brooke Lane and Anna Romero) dressed in garb even Lady Gaga wouldn’t touch (17th-century-style period costume, not very tastefully done either) strip, make-out and perform cunnilingus on one another. Eventually the scene leads to 2 of the women pulling out dick shaped rubber/latex spurs and attaching them to the back of their boots. As expected, they have sex with the fun dick spurs. *Quite possibly one of the more interesting, yet ‘wtf’ moments of the film.

Jamie: “Why is there minstrel music playing?”
Me: *in all seriousness while referring to the cat from Shrek* “Why do they all look like puss in boots?”
Jamie: “did you really just say that?”
Me: “I want a fun feather in a hat like that!”
Jamie: “no, no you don’t”
Me: “those are not rubber dicks! they can’t be! wait…I…what the f*ck?! Okay that’s actually rather genius, though they really shouldn’t be using rubber, that’s just cheap and icky”

More diddling by Zazel with flowers…

Fade from black to 3 female angels (Sasha Vinni, Brooke Lane and Helena) and one male angel (Antonio Valentino) with huge wings he can’t seem to maneuver, all painted with sparkly glitter, hair in knots piled on their heads and the most boring looks on their faces.  The ladies participate in various sexual acts (lots of making out, nipple play, touching and cunnilingus) while the male angel only mildly participates (caresses breasts, licks nipples etc).  Eventually it leads to sex, with the same bored expressions and lack luster body glitter stealing the scene.

Random cut to a black and white scene from what looks like the inside of a barn, with a woman (Gina LaMarca) on a bed wearing white pasties and panties, dancing erotically (basically stripping) for a male observer (Jon Severini). Before long the clothes are off and the two of them are going at it on the bed. In an epic unexpected moment Jon blows his load – way past her body – and the two of them somehow end up frolicking in a pool. *Because sex in a barn should always lead to playing in a pool. <- sarcasm.

As if the last scene wasn’t random or pointless enough we now find Zazel dressed in a costume of half man/half woman and tangoing back and forth in front of the camera while a woman with a shaved head and fun, sparkly clothes pins on her nipples gives oral sex to a perfume bottle. During the whole scene Zazel explains the opposites and balance of male/female.

Me: “Oh My God, are those really bedazzled clothes pegs on her nipples”
Jamie: “No…wait…yes, yes they are fun sparkly clothes pegs on her nipples. Wow, didn’t see that one coming”

Random mermaid lesbian sex with Zazel and another female (Nikki St. Gilles) on an iceberg that rocks back and forth on top of the water, and may or may not lead to a possible case of motion sickness of the viewer(s). *Unless you’re into that kind of thing you may want to fast forward this one.

In the second to last scene Zazel is doodling or drawing in a book (I honestly lost interest by this point) and has visions of a “She-Devil” ( Anna Romeo) dressed in a fire engine red latex costume (think The Cell meets Legend), complete with latex horns, boots, open-assed shorts and a long pointed devil’s tail crammed in her butt (not kidding). After Zazel nods off to sleep (while drawing) the “She-Devil” sneaks behind and cuts her head off with a scythe, she then drops the head on the table and proceeds to climb on the table, making the decapitated head perform oral sex on her (I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried).
*During the entire scene (and the rest of the “Hell” scenes to follow) the bottom half of the screen is filled with digitally superimposed flames.
**And here I thought the 3D effects from This Ain’t Avatar XXX were migraine inducing, I’ve never wanted to scream “JUST MAKE IT STOP!!” so badly.

Zazel awakens from the dream holding her throat and we find the “She-Devil” strutting and dancing in front of a fire place, she then walks over to one side of the mantle and a “stone” structure turns into a gargoyle (Kevin James) who she peels paint off of. The scene continues with the She-Devil having sex with the  gargoyle and a “Demon Man” (Drew Rees), which ends in a dp scene.

The film ends with a monologue by Zazel, wrapped in a robe, once again randomly wandering in a garden and babbling about beauty, pussy, sexuality or some other mouthful of poorly scripted garbage. *As many of you can probably tell by the time the movie was over I had had enough.

Dialogue

Being that there wasn’t any scripted dialogue between the actors there really isn’t much to cover. Having said that I wish they had used a professional voice actress for the internal monologue/thought process of Zazel. Not only did she come off as a totally fake and forced version of what someone might consider a ‘timid female’, but her attempt at being sexy caused the exact opposite effect, sounding amateurish, monotone, cheesy and the least compelling I’ve ever heard.

*It probably wouldn’t have been so bad had her narration been few and far between, instead it was present every scene and between scenes while she wad diddling flowers or painting vaginas – basically put, it got old fast, real fast!

The Bad

Aside from the fact that it was outdated there were other aspects of this film that made it rather hard to watch;

• All the sex scenes were void of passion or feeling. No one looked interested, aroused, excited or like they were really enjoying it. Maybe it was a lack of chemistry. Maybe it was a lack of talent. Maybe it was the director wanting it to be ‘artistic’. Or maybe it was all of the above. Either way we fast forwarded through every sex scene and ended up far less turned on then when we began.
• On that note, the sex scenes go on far too long which makes it even harder to watch (pun not intended). With a 126 minute run time, this movie could have easily been cut down to 70 – 90 minutes, which may have made it a bit more enticing.
• Although there is no scripted dialogue you often see the actors talking dirty to each other yet can’t hear what they’re saying, something both of us found rather disappointing.

The Good

Don’t get me wrong, Zazel has a lot going for it; the cinematography is visually stunning with lush back drops that stir the imagination, the costumes – though outdated – are for the most part creative, extravagant, awe inspiring and interesting, the artwork, including body painting, drawings and vaginal ‘tattoos’ is beautifully done, some of the scenes are compelling, shocking and cross lines I’ve never seen in a porn before (the decapitated head/oral sex scene for one), and the lack of dialogue between performers allowed me to watch without the constant snickering or giggles many other adult movies beget.

It’s also a movie I could see some viewers really appreciating, especially those that are off put by the visuals and intensity ‘hard core’ gonzo movies provide.

Cast

Sasha Vinni - Zazel/Blue Siren/Tiger/Brunette Musketeer/Female Angel/Mermaid * Grace Harlow - Water Nymph * Lene Hefner - Tattooed Girl * Devin Deray - Tattoo Artist * Anna Romero - Redhead Musketeer/Body Double for Female Angel/She-Devil * Brooke Lane - Blonde Musketeer/Female Angel * Antonio Valentino - Winged Male Angel * Helena - Female Angel * Gina LaMarca - Seductress * Jon Severini - Man * Nikie St. Gilles - Blonde Beauty/Mermaid * Kevin James - Gargoyle/Body Double for Winged Male Angel * Drew Reese - Demon Man

Credits

Director – Philip Mond * Producer – Marco * Music – Dino and Earl Ninn * Cinematographer - Philip Mond * Editor- James Avalon * Distributor – Metro Interactive * Budget- $237,000

Awards

Listed as “26th” in “The 101 Greatest Adult Tapes Of All Time” by AVN Magazine * AVN Awards (1998) - Best All-Sex Film/Best Group Scene/Best Cinematography/Best Art Direction/Best Editing/Best Overall Marketing Campaign/Best Selling Tape of the Year * AVN Award (2009) - Best Classic Release 

Final Verdict

If you’re looking for a movie full of sex scenes that are visually compelling rather than sexually exciting, contains little to no dialogue, sex scenes that border on soft-core, elaborate costumes and ventures far from the ‘standard’ adult film formula the market seems to be flooded with, you might just want to check out Zazel: The Scent Of Love.

On the other hand, if you prefer a movie that has all of the above and chemistry, dialogue, witty banter and no migraine inducing graphics, I suggest opting for a movie like Pirates instead.

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